Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
You were dropping a hint.
ohmandapants 17
Well now they know you're getting laid.
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Comments (146)
tmrwisanotherday 1
Are you looking for a 3some....
CoteDePablo 0
Sounds like fun.
DQEight 8
Maybe she will hopefully just copy the number and forget to examine the actual receipt purchases..
Capt_Oblivious 10
Yeah, you should be embarrassed because no one else on Earth buys those things.
Mister_Triangle 21
I don't :(
RadikulRam 16
I buy them. Don't use them, but buy them.
AmeliaPond21042 20
i buy them
youcantwin 8
Smooth move
ihaveapenis 0
There's a reason you bought those things. Now go and get your moneys worth! :D
HomeAl0ne 20
Could have been a lot worse, you might have handed her a receipt for hand cream and the My Little Pony **** DVD.
13FTW 9
Speaking from experience, sir?
stacianichole 2
Moderated this, it was lube and a *****. Secret's out.
josh5634 0
Yes, yes he is.
bachooka 5
In the days of smartphones, I didn't realize that people still wrote numbers down. I usually just type it in my phone right away.
thewife5 19
Good for you
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Ture, but writing it on a piece of paper is more romantic... provided it's not a receipt, and especially not one from condoms and lube.
Okayitwasme 0
Nice, at least you are prepared.
leadman1989 16
Well at least you got your rope, duct-tape, and chloroform from another store.
mariahrocks09 1
Haha that's so ****** funny but I don't think he's Casey anthoney
McAninch35 9
Are you sure? I was almost positive I was reading an FML by Casey Anthony. 98.4%, in fact.
Foppe 9
At least she knows you're into safe sex now :)