Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
You were dropping a hint.
ohmandapants 17
Well now they know you're getting laid.
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Comments (146)
bccaper 3
Don't have cell phones where ur from?
badactor009 0
YDI. Most of us that are past high school carry this thing called a cell phone. It has many functions that keep us guys from having to use our lube and condom receipts as make shift post-it notes. Even without a cell phone, you need to be situationally aware and not do stupid shit like that.
underguarded 20
Maybe she won't look at what you bought? Otherwise she may think your really lonely
Ugi 27
Don't follow the lonely bit - lube you might use alone but condoms you tend to use with a friend.
purdles31 0
This us what passes as an fml today? My god this is shit
thir13enthour 0
Trying to find the problem here...
Ugi 27
Don't you just _hate_ it when that happens!
brooks10101 1
Lol thats ****** awsome id be prowd of that one
joaxim 4
In loads of places condoms just come up as "chemist goods" on the receipt, in the UK at least, so that can be almost anything, as lots of (embarrassing) things can show up as the same.
Ciuby09 2
It could have been peanut butter& jelly
spartan456 0
Smooth move