Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML
Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store, but once I'd filled my cart, I realized that I'd forgotten my wallet, and because I'm not the sort of animal who just dumps stuff in random aisles, I had to awkwardly put all my items back on their shelves. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
Depending on the cashier's personality, this could go many ways: It could be absolutely hilarious and you could make a new friend. The cashier could be a sweet old lady who reminds you of your granny, and become flustered. It would be awkward for everyone. The cashier could give you a creepy wink-grin combo. Any combination of the above, and more scenarios. I'm assuming, since this is an FML, it wasn't the first one. So.... Awkward.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Clearly an acceptable form of legal US currency. Washington is run by dicks anyway.
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Comments (128)
MyaaBayyBee 6
At least you're saying "always stay strapped"
onlychildFTW 34
My question is, how do you mistake a condom and a $20 bill. Seems kind of impossible. You could just feel the difference.
doctorhook86 25
I hope she was pretty, OP.
JustDerpin 11
If I was that cashier, I would have winked and wrote my number on the back of your receipt.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I just hope the condom was still in it's package
ryanLinke 4
how did that go..
GVirdi 11
Well.. The story is an FML now
zachherbert 10
Well, it is on FML, so I'm guessing not perfect...
indielove 13
"I'm sorry sir. We only take cash, credit ,or checks."
Ray_of_midnight 23
"Sorry sir, we don't take rubber checks."
happle 21
Another reason not to keep condoms in your wallet or pockets...
2oc 5
Tell her it's a limited edition coin still in the wrapper.
eggmarie 25
61 - oh yes, carrying a condom and being prepared is just a HORRIBLE thing to do.
naughtia 14
81- it's actually not safe to keep a condom in a wallet. The friction caused from opening and closing the wallet as well as body heat (from inside a pocket) can cause the condom to deteriorate therefore cause small holes, thus defeating the purpose of using a condom in the first place.
eggmarie 25
How do you know OP isn't a woman? I keep my condoms in a part of my wallet where they don't rub against things.
TheFamilyElf 17
Depending on the cashier's personality, this could go many ways: It could be absolutely hilarious and you could make a new friend. The cashier could be a sweet old lady who reminds you of your granny, and become flustered. It would be awkward for everyone. The cashier could give you a creepy wink-grin combo. Any combination of the above, and more scenarios. I'm assuming, since this is an FML, it wasn't the first one. So.... Awkward.
GVirdi 11
The cashier could have also been a guy I wonder how awkward that would have been
Mahtari 19
You should write more novels and make millions.
ElGrandeNacho 3
Just cause you wrote a paragraphs worth, you get a like and a smiley
HonestTruth 5
At least your mum wasn't with you.
GVirdi 11
You don't know that :3
HonestTruth 5
She would probably put that in the FML to add to the awkwardness.
fazzems 21
Why would anyone be buying condoms with their mother...............
Shayners5565 3
Atleast it wasn't your mom at the cash register.
Ecstasyyy 3
You obviously care for the cashier, you don't want them to get pregnant and die ;)
Senseless_487 29
Wait, pregnancy causes death? Talk about mind blowing!
zachherbert 10
All pregancies cause death. It just takes a very long time for the symptoms to show..
gracehi 33
And air is poisonous...it just takes 80 years to kill us. :)
botdflove 4
If we lived 80 years breathing poisonous air... Wouldn't we get to a state wherein won't effect us? Plus a lot of ppl live PAST 80
igive 29
^ party pooper
MC_Fatigue 0
Ur pretty
nado13579 12
Way to kill the joke, 45.
Listerinekiss_fml 7
There's nothing wrong with paying people in sex op people do it all the time to get what they want why not try it at the grocery store produce is expensive as hell
Rhysviri 10
"There's nothing wrong with paying people in sex, OP. People do it all the time. Why not try it at the grocery store; produce is expensive as hell!" Try some punctuation, it's great!
tpike1296 11
Punctuation is my favorite drug.
Dnigz13 4
I don't ever remember any condoms feeling like a 20dollar bill
TuLegit 4
Dnigz13 I think you are my new best mate!(yes I was stalking your profile)
Jiinxx 8
7 - you look like someone I NEVER want to piss off.
Dnigz13 4
Tulegit: hahaha right on I dont mind lol Jinxx: hahaha
dixiefoxx 22
I wonder what the cashiers reaction was..
KM96 24
Probably shocked as hell ... Just a wild guess
SkoomaKi 28
Or he/she winked and said "I'll see you in the back". OP is definitely leaving vital information out. I think that's it ^
Wheredidgrungego 12
Clearly an acceptable form of legal US currency. Washington is run by dicks anyway.
rockerlove2013 6
That was a rough comment
SenselessPattern 12
A moment of silence for one of the few funny and original jokes made on FML. May it rest in peace. U_U
allidspy911 1
It was seriously funny!
allidspy911 1
I just laughed my butt off :)
RulerFourEntity 1
best comment on FML ever
bitch_pleez 10
Just picturing the conversation with this.. Cashier "I'm sorry, what is this for?" OP "oh umm, always use protection?" Cashier "oooookkkkkkk...." OP "crap. Bye!!"
KM96 24
So OP runs off without paying?
eatmytraxx 0
lmao
IzabellaBlack 0
Why are you guys so mean? I thought it was funny.
eggmarie 25
You tried.