Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
You were dropping a hint.
ohmandapants 17
Well now they know you're getting laid.
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Comments (146)
SailorLove 4
why is this a FML? She knows you're prepared. YLIA!!
Burn1 0
Subtle, yet effective.
elephantom12 9
You clever bastard.
cmars3 7
Maybe she didn't look at the receipt part and she was just happy to get your number
TurdTickler4eva 0
Hahaha 40 got butt raped by 23, 32 and 46 super WIN
nivek2120 8
1. Anyone that used the word "they" should re-read it says "her". There is no they. 2. You carry a pen with you all the time? 3. If she even does ask about it tell her that it's because you're a grown man fulfilling his needs. Any mature girl wouldn't even ask because it's really not a big deal at all.
jefffluffingham 5
sounds like a night ya got planned. if she calls, this is a new play. we'll call it the 'Subtle Shopper'
xxsourpatchxx 4
lmao thats classic
boredfishing 0
Sadly I've done this
mohammadkm95 6
Atleastt she'll know you have protection