Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML
Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
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Top comments
FMLKitten 15
That's such a turnoff.
tjsc831 0
Pretend to shit or lose your dick? Think u made a good choice
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Comments (57)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
It's better than the alternative.
rivaraven 35
Is having sex in private too mainstream, that you have to do it with other people near you? YDI.
Val0r 4
at least you made it out without a shotgun in your face.
off_constantly 8
The valsalva maneuver at its best!!
Namenlos_fml 20
Kudos on quick thinking.
spaboolly 26
Perhaps that will teach you to have some restraint and keep it in your pants until an appropriate time. Why are there so many stories on here of people having sex in proximity to their parents? This is at least the second one just today. Does no one have any self-control anymore? I try not to jump to the conclusion that they're all dumb teenagers, but I find it really disappointing that anyone would have such little respect for their family and themselves.
awkward_gothlady 32
I think maybe it's because the fear of getting caught heightens the excitement.
captainburke 5
Ew you guys were doing it in the bathroom
jayfreeman 0
Find a room dude. Who had sex at a parents unless you don't have your own crib wich equals LOSER!! YDI
stoptrying 9
He's getting laid while you're probably still a virgin. Who's the loser now, kid?
mousse02 4
Well it's seems kinda sweet bc he wants everything to b perfect
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
.... And thats why you should NEVER have sex in the immediate facility of your partner's parents. Ever.