Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML
Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
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Top comments
FMLKitten 15
That's such a turnoff.
tjsc831 0
Pretend to shit or lose your dick? Think u made a good choice
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Comments (57)
annie_nk 23
Well those noises kinda sound alike. Better than being caught, in my opinion.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Wait...wouldn't he be trying to find his daughter, then? And once he didn't find her, wouldn't he come to the logical conclusion that she's with you...?
perdix 31
Your girlfriend must feel like shit.
stephhrunsaway 21
God, won't people EVER learn to not have sex when the parents aren't home?? And even if they aren't home, they'll always come home an hour early.
LoveGuru69 0
this doesn't make any sense. did you mean don't have sex when parents are home?
annie_nk 23
Or unexpectedly between classes because his dad doesn't wanna use the tasty bathrooms at school. Happened to me.
mermaidcentaurs 9
I think you meant won't people learn to have sex when the parents aren't home. Or won't people learn to not have sex when the parents are home. You have a double negative in there.
laden_swallow09 35
Am I the only one who noticed 34's use of "tasty"? Sickening, yet curiously hunger-inducing.
annie_nk 23
LMAO!!! I meant nasty! No idea where tasty came from. LOL oh man I'm still laughing.
windfuelsfire 10
HHNNNNNNNNGGG-AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!! *turns super sayan*
jenniiienyc 5
How long did it take him to leave? I mean if the door is locked and I hear grunting or constipation noises, I assume it's occupied and come back later.
tnlander 20
Am I the only one wondering why they were having sex in the bathroom at her house?
LoveGuru69 0
yes you are the only one
KiddNYC1O 22
Bathroom sex is MARBLElous!
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
Yeah , I was kind of wondering .
melons 44
Probably because it's the only room that has a lock on the door.
LiterOfCola 16
Don't lie. Those weren't constipation noises, you just sound like that when you're having sex.
Inapprehensible 11
Wait.... you were in the bathroom having sex with his daughter while the father was home? You've got big balls, OP. Hope you don't lose them when the father goes searching for his daughter.
cowboyroy 1
Disrespectful idiot. You should consider yourself lucky he didn't beat your ass.
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
Finally, someone said it!
annihil8or 15
You act like it's just the bf's fault in this case
cowboyroy 1
Na I know it's not....but if i was the dad, he would take a beating. Just saying.