Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
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Top comments
JasonThorn 23
Hey, if she was amused instead of offended, that's a plus right there.
guitarherogeek 22
Not really an fml? Everybody has to go at somepoint.. plus she cared enough to check you were ok! She’s a keeper
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Comments (8)
JasonThorn 23
Hey, if she was amused instead of offended, that's a plus right there.
guitarherogeek 22
Not really an fml? Everybody has to go at somepoint.. plus she cared enough to check you were ok! She’s a keeper
Bendegit 4
That was exactly my thought.
diraven 15
Don't worry, once you're married you won't even bother closing the door.
icecreamisrad 13
This is why I always run the water when someone else is around haha
AmbrosiaFan 19
SO instead of coming to the realization that everyone farts and poops/etc, you waste water.
mekiswrite 21
Plot twist: OP's neighbor from across the street sent the text.
Wadlaen 24
You've found one who's worthy of keeping!