Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
CrimsonWolf1294 0
There is no possible way that you didn't deserve this...
sweet_candy_ 17
lmao I hope you make it out alive.
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Comments (188)
sweet_candy_ 17
lmao I hope you make it out alive.
mystomachurts 3
why the **** would you wait till you sneak into her house to stop and take a dump? I really hope her dad beat the shit out of you just for being such a goddamn moron. And then had a good long talk with his daughter about her extremely poor choices in guys.
WOW_BS 0
Are you talking to OP or sweet candy?
Feverrotes 15
We all know mystomachurts is another one of those attention ****** wanting as much exposure to his/her comment as possible by replying to a comment near the top. Still, mystomachurts deserves some credibility for: 1. Posting a valid statement, with only minor grammar errors. 2. Not replying to no.1 like all the other attention ****** do.
besosforme 26
Actually, mystomach, since he just finished taking a dump, it would be quite impossible for the father to beat the shit out of him. =] Sorry, I had to.
MrBond007_fml 6
no fair, I wanted to!
mystomachurts 3
If you don't want people to see your comment... why bother commenting? Call me an attention *****. IMMMMMM ANNNN ATTEEENNNTIIIOONNN WHOORREEE!!! I could care less.
pulse18 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
kick his ass.
kainiel 0
that is just retarded, have fun getting killed mouthing off someone who knows how to handle themselves
lacrossekid 0
he could always shove a toothbrush up his ass I'm sure that would get him away !!
CrimsonWolf1294 0
There is no possible way that you didn't deserve this...
aznmex21 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
if there was a like button for comments on the fml app, i would like this comment 100x's
crose3294 0
lol there now is (:
Wheredidgrungego 12
There's a word for a guy like you.... ****** :)
Kua_Mei 0
From the sound of things, he isn't. And isn't ever going to be again.
hoghunter 1
agreed. you don't ever mess with a marine's daughter. that's like asking a starved lion for a ********. just stupid.
constant1downer 1
that's ****** hilarious the tiger thing…
rmeyer6 0
there's another word too--snuck. not sneaked OP
ydi_4_suking 20
You should use your sock. And then if the dad tried to attack you. Shove it in his face. And if he doesn't. Hide the sock cuz that's nasty
Fatman13 0
What the **** you talking about??
fabrizio_fml 0
he's talking about the no toilet paper part.
ctran 0
hahaha take an upper decker!!!
FMLephant 2
Better to be out of paper than in his daughter when he finds you in his home.
AkuskaUK 6
aha! to true!!
Bonkerss 4
and...best comment goes to you...haha
ThaHero 0
Oh damn! Obviously you deserve this.
malfoyfreak 3
And he deserves this: Bad grammar: you snuck into the house.
jelmermcgee 8
Well, since the daughter lives there too, its not really going in uninvited.
Whydoyouask 11
its the risk you have to take to see your girlfirend when you arent able to see her through conventional means. I feel your pain OP :( But I dont understand why you wouldnt take a dump before-hand, and wait untill you got to her house :/ that was just dumb.
MissFukMyLuck 0
right?!?! you can't take a shit and expect sexy time...not too romantic bro. take care of your business before you go do your business
gmianosi 0
well.. sometimes when you have to take a crap, it comes on unexpectedly and you have to go then and there or else you'll crap yourself..:p
Frickmetinajenks 0
I can see a way out of that....