Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
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Top comments
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
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Comments (73)
Cads1 24
How Middle Eastern of you!
Marshallino 24
I'm from the middle east (Lebanon) and I don't do this. Your comment is invalid, humiliating and hurtful.
Cads1 24
I have had a holiday in the Middle East and have used a "squat hole". Have also see the signage in a western bathroom with a picture with a guy squatting on the toilet with a big Red Cross through it. Individual experiences may vary in that part of the world.
KabamWolf 22
Maybe he's into that
FitFriday 32
What a hoot!
ScarredVox92 16
What do you call a magical owl? Hoo-dini!
Honest_Guy 10
WHO could have seen that coming?
wavey1995 7
I see you watched vannos's new video lol
ScarredVox92 16
Yes I surely did. laughed way too hard.
Koalax3 18
That's the kind of story that you can mention to your grandkids 60 years later over eggnog
bhfriday 9
assuming his grandkids drink eggnog
boating_guy 33
Eggnog and bourbon*
bryan1271999 14
Why wouldn't you lock the door? YDI
VeganDarkLight 31
I've been to a lot of places where you can't lock the bathroom door (no key for example as the people living there are paranoid they or their children might get locked inside), so I don't think OP deserves it.
cadillacgal79 32
Not all bathroom doors have locks, at my boyfriends house the rule is if the door is closed, knock first. Or if they do have locks but are broken (like mine) you also just knock first instead of barging in.
mandoalba 5
They may not have locks but they could always put something in the way of the door like in my house I have a lock in my bathroom but people could easily unlock it with a fingernail so I I use the drawer by the door as a way to prevent the door from opening all the way
IAmzephyr 22
that would've been awkward either way. FYL
DaEpicTaco 13
Couldn't have they knocked first?
disbatch 14
It's there house, lock the door to shit? duh
pabj208 23
Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)
Steffi 26
Maybe they don't have a lock on their door.
jerryj 27
No lock on the bathroom door?
vikky538 29
Or even if you are just shittting.
ohSNAPyall 27
No bathroom lock? Then don't try out a new bathroom maneuver.
disbatch 14
Your reaching, poop.
juststephhere 23
Locking the door is the first step in preventing this from happening again. If there's no lock, maybe sing really loud so they'll realize you're in there!
swanheart 35
Sing or hoot. Whichever comes most naturally to op
Soparot 29
In his situation, I honestly think singing while you take a dump is not that much less weird than what he did... the only difference is now everyone can hear him instead of just the dad seeing him.
disbatch 14
shower perched poop! Love it! WHEEEEE!
JETarchitect 32
who sings while they pee or poop?!?!?! I feel like that would be almost as embarrassing
Alexis0927 22
If the door didn't have a lock then fyl, but if it did ydi