Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
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Top comments
JuzReading 23
Reminds me of that FML where the girlfriend asked her boyfriend to get hard for her even though he was. Anyway, don't worry about it OP, this where your mouth and fingers come in handy.
Cads1 24
Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
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Comments (145)
heavenlyassbutt 11
I want to say something positive, but I can't stop laughing. To all who said it's the motion of the sea and not size of the boat, put it that way if you have to take a vacation which one would you prefer a yacht or a canoe? Size does matter. Tongues and fingers does not get the job done all the time. Trust me I'm a woman.
MisterEx 28
You can't really generalize on this one, dear. Even if you are a woman. If a woman is using her ****** every time a dog wags it's tail, then no amount of inches will ever suffice.
Aimeejasmine 15
Is that supposed to be a metaphor? If you have a point no make, don't dance around the subject, it makes you appear foolish.
Keiraquarium 12
62- Don't attempt to speak for all women. I would personally much rather prefer someone with a smaller penis but who's very skilled with fingers and tongue, to someone with a huge package but who doesn't have a clue what to do with it. Plus the boat analogy doesn't make sense at all
9a_1z 12
89 - If that point is the point that I think it is; vaginas aren't made of rubber bands, they're amazingly stretchy things that are built to cope perfectly fine with regular normal use, if a woman has given birth you'll probably see a difference but few penises are as big as a baby. You're more likely to see it not being a tight fit when a women is incredibly aroused and relaxed, which I suppose is more likely to happen if the woman is comfortable and experienced with having sex, but it's nothing to do with a worn-out ****** and really it's something to celebrate.
Mobetta_2300 22
Hey, just eat her out, and then pee on her to gain dominance. Jkjk, but seriously there's things like foreplay, and head for a reason. Good luck op
Lisa_Kdubz 20
Sorry OP. That's got to be rough. Awkward for both of y'all :/
tinyalmeida 11
Maybe if you try it with her on top it will feel better for her?! I'm sorry your first time with her was so awful OP, but don't let one stupid comment ruin your self esteem she was probably just nervous!! A different position can make a huge difference!!
Dom_Olivares 12
Everyone put your hands up and give this guy your energy, word to Goku.
tataaaaa 7
I think you might be my ex... ?
MRSwick2525 23
bitch
itouchedthebutt 4
That's all folks!
rav3njustic3 18
dude, that seriously sucks.
FatherPlatypus 8
"That's all folks"
betto58 9
The moment you remember he bunny saying "That's all folks"
Jared900DUmpling 30
I know exactly what picture (the bugs bunny pepe) and no, it still is a stupid unfunny comment. Nice try.