Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
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Top comments
JuzReading 23
Reminds me of that FML where the girlfriend asked her boyfriend to get hard for her even though he was. Anyway, don't worry about it OP, this where your mouth and fingers come in handy.
Cads1 24
Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
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Comments (145)
FemskyD 26
Something tells me you guys wont work out
bdsmslave 18
That's a bit shallow, don't you think? I'm sure she's dating him for more than his dick. People do that too, you know.
GamerGuy94 7
maybe she just has an unreasonably loose hole
unixdude 9
Why is this being down voted? OP's gf might be the town doorknob. Hot dog, meet hallway.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
It's being down voted because you both sound like idiots. Educate yourself on a woman's anatomy, specifically on how a ****** works, before making such ignorant comments. Also, it's meat*
OopsyDoodle 6
it IS "meet". as in the hotdog is meeting the hallway. lol
Aimeejasmine 15
It's 2015, do we really STILL have to deal with people who don't even know the basics of how a ****** functions. What do you think happens after our period? Do tampons stretch us out irreversibly? Jesus people think their dicks are so special it actually causes permanent changes to a women lmao
Keiraquarium 12
I get that this is a joke but it seems to be a really common misunderstanding. The ****** is a passageway of muscles and, like any muscles, exercising it will not make it slack. Repeat after me: "Sex does not make a ****** loose. Sex does not make a ****** loose".
countryb_cth 38
95, not only does sex not make a ****** loose but neither does giving birth. Even though it sounds crazy the ****** goes back to normal after a bit and some women find it's even tighter. I don't know where people get that sex or child birth makes a ****** loose.
foxmatrix15 8
I have no idea what her problem is .. two inches should be enough.
DevilsMetsGiants 30
I'd be like "put it in? I'm already done" and roll over
FenHarel 9
How would wither of you win in that situation? You'd lose equally.
barlos88 19
Put it in her but and tell her that what you thought she meant...
attaboyyy11 11
Yess
deathshead 19
nooo
hoosiergirl94 31
She didn't notice the size beforehand?
Hyenayena 27
Exactly what I was thinking... You need foreplau
honz99999 11
haha, "that's all folks"
worldclassrager 41
Just hope she doesn't see this...maybe some pills will help or just get hard in her...
1dvs_bstd 41
Damn, right in the self esteem. Don't worry OP, I hear they still make hummers. Compensate that shit.
alfalfalaffa 17
You heard it, she wants your whole package, balls and everything. Quit stalling and please your lady friend.