Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Clean sex is good sex.
toughchick14 15
Well at least you know that the sex was 99.9% clean!
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Comments (141)
jujuroxursox 15
The cleaning of your genitals prevents the spread of STIs … but like most good things it hurts like hell
WaywardDaughter 26
Um no! That's not how it works.
blackicethedemon 2
STD! DU DU DUH
blackicethedemon 2
TROJAN WHAT'S THIS WONDERFUL CONDOM? it tingles bit feels so good. NOW INTRODUCING THE TINGLING POWER OF TROJAN BRAND HAMD SANITIZER CONDOM. thank you trojan man ahhh ooh it tingles
GweedSincE84_fml 15
Poor op. Your boyfriend can't get it wet without lube? Sorry about that op
Reaper1984 13
its like scrubbing bubbles it does the work so you don't have to, cause according to op it tingles
buckdharma 38
Alcohol and sex don't mix.
Domino3k 8
Wtf? You must be old lol who needs lube when your young ?! Lmao
caysters 12
How do you not notice the difference BEFORE the sex starts? One melts in your hand and smells like alcohol, the other is slimy and does not smell like alcohol...
japtap81 16
Her hand sanitizer could have smelled like chocolate, that 5 yr old drank a bottle of it. But just cuz ur young doesn't mean u don't get dry. Usually after u do it for awhile it gets dry.
oathkeeper99 31
I also live in Solihull, the chances that this could be someone I know is disturbingly high...
jsanchez89 5
Why they needed lube? Try we're doing anal. Case solved lol