Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Clean sex is good sex.
toughchick14 15
Well at least you know that the sex was 99.9% clean!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
perdix 31
He'll have a cleaner weiner!
ICastillo 25
She'll have a clean bean.
S182 15
Sanitized snatch
misspulkadot24 17
Would you rather it be Icy Hot? Shit can always be worse.
blackicethedemon 2
fire and ice! THANK YOU TROJAN MAN
betseyville 6
Uh, hand sanitizer almost always smell heavily of alcohol. How could you not smell it?
ICastillo 25
I think in the moment he just grabbed and squeezed the "lube" bottle to put it in directed areas and surprise!! It burnt so good.
DocBastard 40
I always thought dirty sex was better. Now I know why.
swagmaster6969 4
atleast it wasn't crazy glue
Enslaved 38
Haha. I'm picturing them being stuck like mating dogs! :P
maebelline12 12
I wonder how you would explain that to the doctor...
Jessj958 19
I seen this show one time where this man and woman both had piercings down below, and they had sex and got stuck together! They had to go to the ER. The funniest part was they were divorced and remarried and their daughter came to the hospital and found out what was going on! Awkward! Sorry that was a little off topic.
CharresBarkrey 16
72 - Hey that was Grey's Anatomy!
protoskore 27
it happens from time to time, and then the British make a documentary about incidents.
Jessj958 19
#79, thank you!! I couldn't remember where I seem that for the life of me.
CharresBarkrey 16
Haha no problem! I got way more excited about your reference than I should have. I'm a Grey's addict.
Shadow_Phantom 26
Least it was an accident. I had the misfortune of being with somebody who thought that using anti-bacterial handsoap was a good idea. didn't know before it was too late. =_= FYL, though.
RoperGirl203 9
Wut.
ThatPlankton 15
He can't tell the difference between the two?
SuperDanielNL 23
That's one way of spicing things up...
LovesSushi 25
Why would you put hand sanitizer in the same place as your lube? Might as well place super glue next to the eye drops too.
Kyoakuhan 22
That happened to a friend of mine. She had nail glue and eye drops in her purse; grabbed the wrong one and ended up in the ER to get the glue out and her contact removed.
MarciAndGumball 3
Haha look at the OP's name for the post
outoftown 27
OP gets points for a dry, understated username.