Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Clean sex is good sex.
toughchick14 15
Well at least you know that the sex was 99.9% clean!
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Comments (141)
klovemachine 24
Ah yeah :-D
dontpanic_fml 32
Honestly, this is what I assumed to be the case in the FML. "Lube?! These girls are 18 years old. They aren't dried up old ladies, man. They're good to go!"
SillyGirl4602 23
That just sounds so painful. Sorry op. next time try to keep the lube closer to the bed.
mattrd_fml 31
Wait... why would he be in pain?
PrincessLiLi_fml 7
Perhaps you should consider keeping your hand sanitizer away from your lube...
princessAj1 6
Taking fire and ice to a whole new level. Next time look at the label.
murkinstock 5
umm why would the hand sanitizer be right next to the lube?
aj94w 4
How does someone manage to actually do this? Lube doesn't smell or feel like sanitizer. If you were able to actually get it in with that on his dick, may I say, you might want to reflect on life.
pjordanw 9
Didn't you smell the alcohol ??
kalbrek009 20
I'm sure the answer is you, OP. The outside of men's genitals can take far more that the inside of a woman (where the mucus membranes are) & the difference is like that between lemon juice on plain skin VS lemon juice on an open wound where there's no protective barrier against it. FYL OP, & next time...keep the sanitizer where it belongs..OUTSIDE of the bedroom...I see no need for it IN there.
aj94w 4
But getting any down the a dude's pee hole would hurt at least just as much. He must have gotten some in there, poor guy.
False_Stupidity 42
You have a point there 133, and the mere thought of that made me wince.