Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
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Top comments
whateves997 19
You win the biggest asshole of the year award you prick!!! Why just why?
TheGreastest 24
That's messed up op. just own up to it, it's better than letting your dad be in pain
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Comments (86)
swaftmasterj627 12
Poor guy
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
you're an ass op
beyondflight 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Gotta do what you gotta do.... Right?
PlainWhiteWalls 20
If by that you mean "gotta be a huge, selfish prick" then OP did it spot on.
jcshadow 16
No way! That's ****** up to the nth degree!
Ms_ValS 27
You sound like the kind of person who takes a selfie with the corpse at a funeral. The kind of person who should have been a cockroach instead of a human being.
Ikashy73 14
That's not very nice to cockroaches.
MissEris 27
I can only see this thought of as ok if OP's father was an ass himself when OP was growing up, and even then it would still not be ok to do this.
fortune789 17
Way to be a shitstain, OP.
8Dirty1 24
don't ever say he didn't do a thing for you
TheGreastest 24
That's messed up op. just own up to it, it's better than letting your dad be in pain
thatguynamedsky 32
must have been a pain in the ass eh? I'll let myself out...
FitFriday 32
Good don't come back
_Adog2645 24
Please
whateves997 19
You win the biggest asshole of the year award you prick!!! Why just why?
LegalLoitering 12
Whoa, just take it easy man
tdawg91 17
A: she's a nurse, she deals with far worse things than a fart. B: she's an attractive nurse, how far do you think you were going to get in your attempts to seduce her? She probably gets hit on hourly and wouldn't think very highly of you for thinking of your dick while your father was in a hospital bed. C: no one else thinks highly of you for putting your poor father in more pain because you were thinking of your dick
dragonkisses28 25
#36 It isn't about the nurse having to deal with worse things. It's about OP letting the nurse turn his father to see if he had soiled himself and the pain caused to the father from that action. OP, being a selfish little bitch, let the nurse believe the father had done it because he didn't have the balls to tell her it was him.
henrylikestreats 22
Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this.
codytallica 38
Taking one for the team dad!
Cheeky_Fellow 14
Your poor dad...