Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML
Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML
Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that same moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart loose, and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
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Top comments
Jall8089 9
Unless you had a cat who recently died, that’s amazingly stupid. And everyone knows you blame farts on dogs.
jkjorn 18
That was doubly stupid because cats don't make a sound when they fart. At least none of mine ever did, anyway.
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Comments (2)
Jall8089 9
Unless you had a cat who recently died, that’s amazingly stupid. And everyone knows you blame farts on dogs.
jkjorn 18
That was doubly stupid because cats don't make a sound when they fart. At least none of mine ever did, anyway.