Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
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Top comments
whateves997 19
You win the biggest asshole of the year award you prick!!! Why just why?
TheGreastest 24
That's messed up op. just own up to it, it's better than letting your dad be in pain
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Comments (86)
joeblow6969 5
This is your dad's FML, you ******' prick.
miss_amphetamine 24
This is just horrible, OP. You actually care more about what some cute nurse thinks of you than about your poor dad being in pain? What in the actual **** is wrong with you? P.S. she is a NURSE. It's not like she doesn't know what a fart is. You ******* moron.
Cassandra2015 21
good cover up
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I feel sorry for you(r dad).
jquaw 16
To all you guys saying op is a prick.. Really!? REALLY? How is he being a prick? The rolling over and checking if a patient has been incontinent is a regular Occurrence. Whether the kid admitted to farting or not, the nurse would still have checked him out if he's incontinent. And who's to say he came out of surgery? There's lots of reasons people are in the hospital. He could be palliative, COPD, ARO positive in a wound etc etc. Op did nothing "pricklike". Sure he didn't own up to a fart, so what? It's funny, don't take everything so damn seriously
miss_amphetamine 24
If I understand correctly, in that instance the nurse specifically rolled OP's dad over because she was worried about the bad smell. Maybe you're right and she would have checked on him anyway. That's not the point - what's messed up about this is the fact that OP chose to watch his dad suffer , over owning up to something as stupidly common as a fart, simply because OP cared more about what the nurse thought of him in that moment. He believed he could save his dad some pain by admitting it, but still chose not to anyway.
foxfur 25
You are an asshole.
WholeWheatBread 9
Ouch, what an ass. *wink*
bun_key0_1 20
U r a mean guy.
CGibson18 7
and colossal **** of the year award goes to UncleMonkey
NostalgiaFreak9 43
FML should as a "You're a ******* idiot/scumbag" button, anybody agree?