Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
l3allin_all_day 0
I ate lamb for dinner and it was sooooo goood
sloop_fml 0
***breaking news*** you are allowed to touch meat as a vegan, moron. ever been laid? if not, plan to?
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
*** Breaking News *** OP is not a vegan. Sex jokes are irrelevant and definitely not witty.
skyeyez9 25
I eat meat, but not lamb. It stinks so bad when you cook it. No matter if its baked or grilled. Imo it tastes like it smells...yuck.
Rick1969 6
Just do a horrible job preparing it, and chances are you'll never be asked to cook again.
OfficerNasty95 0
thats what u get for being a vegetarian dumbass
ktbird 0
Oh great the vegetarian debate again. Didn't we just do this like a week ago?
loski87 4
get over it
redtigerlily 5
Some of you are vegetarian, yet you buy and eat products that are designed to look and taste like meat? That's pretty pathetic if you ask me.
nicholiepolie1 0
#215- A lot of us vegetarians aren't in it because we just don't like the taste of meat... I used to love meat, but I decided that being a vegetarian was a much healthier way to go. And hey! I lost 10 pounds because of it. (: Fake meat allows us to enjoy what we pass up on in a healthier way.
chapachristina4 0
215- I love meat but I like to challenge myself so I went vegetarian..I became healthier. so some vegeterians also do it to challenge themselves..unfortunately I went back to eating meat :(
redtigerlily 5
Yes you returned to the delicious meaty side. Who can resist ^_^
chapachristina4 0
hahaha! I just imagined darth vader saying that xD
RedPillSucks 33
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. We will add your "meatalogical" distinctiveness to our own. From this day forward, you will service us. with delicious slabs of rack-of-lamb, served on a bed of lettuce sprinkled with ginger and lightly sauteed in some red wine.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
This time I drooled.
katashtraphy 0
asshole. I would just be such a bitch to him for two years.
ninjasaurous 0
I used to be a vegetarian and really, it wasn't that bad and i got the perfect amount of protein to keep me healthy so the people that say vegetarians dont get enough protein, you're wrong!