Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
skyeyez9 25
In the old testament God commanded his people to perform animal sacrifices/burnt offerings. I wonder if any vegans protested back then??
catatonicsleep 17
not if they believed in god, because they probably thought they would go to hell for dissagreeing with the animal sacrificing....
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
But the common Hebrew wasn't often allowed to eat the sacrifices anyway; they were usually either entirely consumed on the altar or given to the priests to eat. The OT Hebrew diet was extremely regulated, though, and some of it was for ethical or moral reasons. Dairy wasn't to be consumed with beef or veal because it was considered disrespectful; even now that's still not kosher. In Israel I was never served real cream or milk with an after-dinner coffee if beef was served (or maybe it was any meat; not sure how the Talmud interprets that law today since orthodox Jewish law is often over-careful in these cases). The principles behind the OT Hebrew laws could be argued to favor vegan- or vegetarianism in our culture, due to the treatment the animals get before slaughter. I'm an omnivore, BTW; just making a few points here. I'd eat only organic or cruelty-free meat if I could afford it. The Hebrew diet excluded many things that have now been proven to be unhealthy, or at least were unhealthy before antibiotics etc. Some non-religious people even loosely follow its guidelines for the health benefits nowadays.
kxdottt 0
Maybe he did notice he just wanted you to help out and quit being a pussy. No no I don't wanna touch meat. No one asked you to eat it, it's already dead just ******* cook it whiny bitch.
allmidnighteyes 11
**** being vegan/vegetarian. I want to conserve the Earth's resources as much as I can, so I'm sustained by unicorn giggles and CareBear farts.
RedPillSucks 33
Carebare farts are the shit!!!
chapachristina4 0
I know how you feel OP. my dad would always try to make me eat meat. because of that I only lasted a month and a half as a vegetarian, when I know I could've lasted longer :(
godyourethick 0
Bullshit, don't blame your weakness on others. If you knew you could have lasted longer, you should have just done it.
TanyaKJC 9
That's crap. My parents, hell, my entire family kept pushing meat in my face and down my throat when I began weaning myself off meat. My family still teases me to this day and I've been vegetarian for around 5 years. If you wanted to be a vegetarian badly enough, you wouldn't let other people influence your choice. Idiot
arabianhorse1234 0
Ok, I can understand refusing to eat meat, but refusing to touch meat? Thats a bit extreme.
TanyaKJC 9
Not if the smell and feel of it makes you sick. It's how I am. I just recently made my boyfriend bacon and gagged every time I touched the crap
JClesbonstuyaux_fml 0
Large green anus and the mouse is HUGE ... help, WITH!!
jacketfootball 0
vegetarian is indian for "lousy hunter"
Major_General 10
That's a great joke. How do you like your bacon?
RedPillSucks 33
I like my bacon running free on the open plains.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I lol'ed.
doublenn 0
your and idiot for being a vegitarian or vegan.. if you were not supposed to eat it you wouldn't have these teeth that are called cainines and animals would have weapons to shoot back at hunters.. this is called the food chain.
JClesbonstuyaux_fml 0
A virgin will see a *****. Asking him to make him a learning She offered him a 69. The ignorant accepts. Once in the room they semettent both at work and after 5 minutes the bitch indulges in a flatulence foul. The young man lay on the window, opened it and breathed deeply, somewhat disgusted. They go back to work and a few minutes later republished ***** his ignominy. The guy falls again on the window for back to his senses but this time turns cursing: "If there are still 67 like that, I J'me break!"