Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
tiannnna 0
I've been vegetarian too, for about 8 years. It's not unnatural, and it's very healthy. Vegetarians happen to be the healthiest people on earth, statiscally speaking. (when I say vegetarians, I mean VEGETARIANS, NOT VEGANS.) So all you rednecks who commented above might want to try eating less fat encrusted meat like bacon ;). You'll probably end up dying of heart attacks, high blood pressure, cholesterol and the like. GOOD LUCK.
666Alyssa 3
190- It doesn't make us rednecks just because we eat meat. I'd rather be a redneck, fat encrusted meat eater than be an idiot who eats only plants. Not saying all vegetarians are idiots, just the ignorant ones that think they are the healthiest people in the world and us meat eaters are all a bunch of rednecks.
Quiet_one 22
You're right - there is nothing wrong with being vegetarian. I'm not one myself and probably never will be, but I still respect the decision when other people make it. However, meat is not inherently bad for you either - the trick is to balance your diet so that you get the right nutrients, regardless of whether you get them from meat or somewhere else. Problems only happen when people don't understand the concept of moderation, i.e. eating an entire plate of bacon instead of just a couple strips, or having it every day. And a little off-topic: I think bacon is like the candy of meat - everyone knows it's unhealthy, but we still eat it because it tastes so good. If you don't like the taste of bacon, you were born to be a vegetarian.
Broeman 0
There's no need for conflict over what you eat. I think that people shouldn't give a shit about what goes into someone else's body. That being said, saying that eating meat is unnatural is straight up retarded. Saying that vegetarianism is inherently unhealthy is also straight up retarded (although less so). Anybody who tries to tell anyone else that eating meat or being a vegetarian is straight up retarded, is a straight up retard. Yah feel me?
RedPillSucks 33
Hey! I know some vegetarian rednecks. We're going to go get our guns and open up a can of whup-ass in your neighborhood. You meat eating pansy!
fylkman 0
190 we get da point 64 meat eaters are not stupid and vegetarians arent either op's dad should have respected her feelings
kevinfenchak 0
maybe the joke was "I don't like touching meat..." and you interpreted it the wrong way. either way, ydi for being vegetarian in the first place.
stoutn 2
I don't understand vegitarians... I love eating animals. I don't torture them, but they are better on my plate than anywhere else :)
RedPillSucks 33
You may not torture them, but others do on your behalf.
Jonathanaw 0
I'm also a vegetarian, the people who are saying that being a vegetarian is unnatural, you have to keep in mind our body digest non meat better than meat. also, the meat industry is very costly, and also causes a lot of pollution, desease and uses much more resources compared to non meat.
TanyaKJC 9
Another thing to point out is the fact that a lot of the meat they eat are injected with tons of extra hormones. How exactly is THAT natural?
Jonathanaw 0
the people who say plants are alive too, plants don't feel pain since they do not have a central nervous system. that's the difference.
fmlzach 0
you make bacon for your guests?
iRyan 0
ydi you not liking bacon!!!
iRyan 0
for*
TechnicolorEyes5 0
She doesn't deserve it for going vegetarian. It's an FML because her dad never noticed.
skyeyez9 25
190: Okinawans are the most healthy and live the longest vs others in the world. But they eat meat, mostly fish and some pork.