Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (571)
missyfarnes 2
maybe you should have told him and not just expected him to notice....
Starfire99 0
Ah well ... he'll learn his lesson when he goes hungry.
derschadenfreude 5
YDI for living in the milky way galaxy
pfunk129 1
i applaud you for being a vegeterian.
Rwoem13 0
totally just had a bacon sandwich. YDI meat is tasty treat
Primus_fml 0
You're so ungrateful! Bacons like having 1000 orgasms in your mouth at once!
BeyondDespair 0
Hey #68 Not all are like that, like myself. so point not really proven. I have no problem with people who eat meat, and I'm a Vegan. Hah.
BeyondDespair 0
And also @ 68, do you see how many people are saying YDI for being Vegetarian? hardly any Vegetarians are like, YDI for being a meat eater.
bishhitsandii 3
At least you don't have a brother who will pin you down and try to shove bacon or steak or whatever down your throat. l:< That is pretty sad that your dad hadn't noticed for two years, though. FYL, OP.
RedPillSucks 33
I think your brother is "into" you and is just using the meat as a metaphor.
catatonicsleep 17
he never said you had to eat it....