Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
Crusader0102 0
Third is the one with the treasure chest. Or wedding dress.
samlikesham 0
YDI for being a vegetarian
adamjohnson 5
Finally someone who agrees with me
justsayfuck 5
How's that even possible? Is he never home or sth? Well.. definitely fyl.
BeyondDespair 0
That sucks OP, and people need to be a little bit more considerate towards Vegetarianism/Veganism, it's like not like we go at you for eating meat :p
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
yeah u sorta do? PETA?
missmurderx 8
not every vegetarian is involved with peta... get your facts straight!
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
but most r. :P. or at least won't date a non veggie. haha this one girl wouldn't touch a chicken we were disecting in bio cuz it had a bruise. so she told the teacher "this chicken has been abused, please give me another. so the teacher walked over picked it up and used it for a class guide. xD
EvilDave 13
Oh, really? Ever hear the phrase "Meat is Murder"? I see no reason to accommodate your CHOICE, yes it is a choice, not to eat meat. Especially when no vegetarian I know would accommodate someone who likes to eat meat. When was the last time you heard of a vegetarian cooking a special dish that contains meat for their meat eating friends? Oh, right, NEVER.
666Alyssa 3
Picking plants is murder too. They are living things as well.
Lukee 0
pull an 'arm' from a plant it feels nothing and it will not die, it won't even come close pull the leg off a cow, it dies, it feels pain, it bleeds, it screams please don't hate on us vegs I dot hate on you for eating meant an I think we deserve equal respect
666Alyssa 3
How do you know the plant feels nothing? I don't hate vegetarians, I just don't think the ones that try to shove their opinions down meat eaters throats should do that. I have nothing against vegetarians.
thecoolest 0
Agreed. If you shove your pussy, PETA views on me or anybody, I will sacrafice a lamb on your front porch.
aardvarkish 17
At first, I read "SHAVE"... Silly me :]
Burgessnk 0
53, that's hilarious. "this already dead and no longer suffering chicken has a bruise, let me waste more meat and give me another" What a moron. Also, to add my five cents to the "are vegitarians stupid" debate most of the vegitarians I have met have been fundamentally stupid as well as being vegitarian. All but one of them look like malnorished and they are constantly complaining about being tired all the time. Maybe they aren't all like that, that's just my experience.
missmurderx 8
I've dated non vegetarians before.. I prefer to date vegetarians because it's easier and for me, I find them incredibly sexy ;)) lol. don't rag on vegetarianism. we have feelings, you know! more than some of you, considering we defend animals who can't defend themselves/:
Salaminizer 0
We meat-eaters (most of us, anyways) don't rag on veggies because they're veggies. Usually it's because they're self-righteous pricks that think we're brutish savages for eating meat. And when we question their ethics, we become, once again, ignorant brutes for failing to conform. Go ahead, eat your veggies. Just stay away from Bambi. He's mine.
meavey 0
i've done that actually, asshole. talk about generalising. how abaout **** off
fml_mu 10
Vegeterians do not uproot or pick plants. If you talking about fruits, plants have been made to produce fruit and are meant to share with the other living creatures like us humans and animals. When we eat a fruit, the plant does not die or stop producing fruits, but if u chop off the legs of an animal, it will not grow again. And if you kill it it will never be able to reproduce, while some plants can still grow even if they are cut off...
GweedSincE84_fml 15
I'm not a vegetarian but I do respect the animals from which we get our meat, they deserve that much. Besides when civilization comes to an end and people have to fend for themselves all those so called "vegetarians" will be dying for a nice juicy steak. A bunch of eff'n p***ies.
Dilwann 27
'Plants and fruits are made to feed us. Animals aren't.' Well I'm sorry to tell you that are either both, or both not that. If fruits are meant to be eaten, so are we (by animals). If animals aren't meant to be eaten, you shouldn't be giving more rights to plants just because they don't 'behave'.
thatonetribute 31
Yes, actually. Yes you do.
xTexasxProdigyx 0
bacon is just amazing in any form! num num num!!
infamousSG 1
I love bacon.
OfficialxAmber 0
Aw. :( I'm sorry.
OwNowBrownCow 0
THERE'S SKITTLES IN THERE
samanthadude 0
I want skittles now
RedPillSucks 33
Doesn't skittles have animal gluten? *runs and hides from the raging mob*
tencentsakiss 19
Red skittles definitely aren't vegan because they have red 40 food dye, which is made out of crushed beetles. Don't believe me? Look it up. Red 40 is in almost anything dyed bright red, including twizzlers, mariscino (spelling?) cherries, and code red mountain dew. yum bugs :]
BeyondDespair 0
On another note, how about you tell your dad to get his fatass up and make it himself :)
Paris_LovezYhu 0
are you expecting him to scope out your plate everytime you eat ?
suppressed08 2
maybe she ate burgers thinking they were veggie burgers ^^