Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
Gobsnoglin 0
I would say he probably did notice that you are a vegetarian. He was probably saying 'good joke' because it is stupid to not want to touch meat just because you don't eat it. I guess you probably live on a steady diet of blue waffles, don't you? (google it if you don't know)
TanyaKJC 9
It's not really stupid. For me, I get sick at the smell of meat and touching it disgusts me. It could be similar for OP.
kyoko2491 0
u kno what i dont understand? ppl who r vegetarians r all like "animals were alive! dats y i cant eat them!" but i mean, really??? think bout it. werent vegetables once alive 2? how u think they grew from a seed 2 a plant? theyre alive 2, but u have no problem eating them. if u truly dont wanna hurt anythin alive, u should eat da dirt. oh, wait. when ppl and animals die, their bodies decompose and turn in2 dirt, so da dirt was once alive 2. huh. looks like if u hate eating things dat were once alive, ur screwed. dats y vegitarians r stupid. they dont get every thing u eat was once alive. whats da point?
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
If you can't differentiate th- from d- or to/too/two from 2, you have absolutely no justification for calling anyone stupid. Zero. None.
tencentsakiss 19
102, your comment made my head hurt. please stop sleeping through your classes. No one will ever take your comments seriously unless you stop typing like a 5 year old.
RedPillSucks 33
Please don't insult 5yr olds!
tencentsakiss 19
I'm not, I am just doubting their ability to type.
kyoko2491 0
animals eat other "innocent" animals all da time. its called "life". deal with it. if sum guy didnt kill dat animal then sum other bigger stronger animal woulda.
winfieldALJD 6
Uh, I hope you know that still has nothing to do with humans being allowed to eat animals. It doesn't matter if anyone eats before us, if we are not supposed to eat them, and all the effects it produces are negative, then why would you eat them?? Just because it taste good in your mouth but kills you everywhere else? Humans are designed herbivores, just poisoning themselves slowly. You aren't supposed to it for the same reason you aren't supposed to eat shit. That's obvious.
OwNowBrownCow 0
Hot Pockets!!!
Samantha_baby 0
ewww
OwNowBrownCow 0
they are pretty gross. it's a poptart filled with nasty meat
Samantha_baby 0
They remind me of really gross airplane food. they smell really gross. barf.
OwNowBrownCow 0
you get hot pockets on an airplane? all I get are peanuts or pretzels.
666Alyssa 3
They must not smell or taste that bad cuz people like them and stores sell a lot of them.
Samantha_baby 0
yeah, I did once.. I like barfed. and maybe my taste "spuds" are different then yours.. so what?
OwNowBrownCow 0
so what we learned today was that people have different taste buds.
Samantha_baby 0
I wasn't trying to start anything..?
Samantha_baby 0
oh, ok. well I accept your apology :)
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Lol Milk, I take it you're a fan of potatoes?
godyourethick 0
If you don't want to ******* eat the bacon that doesn't mean you can duck out of chores. I don't like handling paperwork, but I don't get a free pass not to do that. YDI.
Sheslikeheroin 0
YDI for being a damn vegeterian
omgwtfun 0
maybe he just pretends not to notice because not touching meat is just stupid.
imright24 0
No one's telling you to eat it. I don't eat dirt but I don't refuse to touch it. If you still live with daddy, you do as you're told. Cook the damn bacon.
Philly_HK 0
Special msg for OP: Det er godt, at du tager det oppefra og ned og siger nej tak til at skære det skide bacon. Jeg er også selv vegetar, og jeg ville sgu aldrig sige ja til at røre ved kød. Det er imod min (og din, tydeligvis) etik. Folk her fatter brik.
JesseJaymz 0
so??? you don't have to eat it, suck it up!!! I've got a sister that's a vegetarian and a brother that was a vegetarian for 8 years an only stopped cause people at work kept eating his food and he couldn't eat theirs. both my siblings weren't *******. ydi cause you're a puss