Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was trying to lose weight, so she kindly removed all the junk food from the kitchen. I just found it all hidden under her bed. Apparently, she didn’t trust me enough to resist temptation, and she was absolutely correct. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that included the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
Glitterhinoceros 14
I don't know about you, but to me vegetables aren't that bad.
X_Codes 11
Seriously... eat the vegetables. They taste good.
justanotherhuman 21
OP's post is proportionally about vegetables as much as your thumb-ups are about vegetables not being that bad; both are simply backdrops for the true reason.
astonmartin007 4
Bye some burger king fatass
Antoine_Dodson 0
So she has a problem with you getting fat, but doesn't mind becoming obese herself? Makes sense (end sarcasm).
Zmeilerr 22
Your weight should be none of her concern. If you're making an effort to try and lose some weight, tell her to get off your ass about it. As far as your food situation goes, make her pay the next grocery bill, seeing as she wants to raid all of the cabinets and have all of the food to herself.
ikickgingers 15
Massholes...
yamatelle 19
The first time on FML that I've actually seen a caring roommate... It's almost weird.
justanotherhuman 21
There are a few silly/outrageous roommate posts... the problem with all are the *degree* of care the roommates give :-
every1luvsvag 10
Put a bunch of shit food in the fridge.
CHOMP3R 0
Buy some more food? Idk how this would be something to go "**** My Life" over… There's always more at the store.
Mirorbo 27
Buy more food only for the roommate to eat it all again? If I wanted to waste food money that badly, I would just throw it out the front door. 8|
CHOMP3R 0
I doubt someone could eat that much… but now the roommate has nothing to eat, so they'll probably end up buying more anyway.
Mirorbo 27
The irony in this hurts so much.
dansco 25
Think of it this way, your room mate will be as fat as you soon lol