Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was trying to lose weight, so she kindly removed all the junk food from the kitchen. I just found it all hidden under her bed. Apparently, she didn’t trust me enough to resist temptation, and she was absolutely correct. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that included the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
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Top comments
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
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Comments (130)
You_Need_Soap 6
Cook the roomate!
ThatGenericGuy 6
Ironic much?
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Kinda ironic when you think about it...
lmaoatall 6
Buy more deli meat. Wipe ass with deli meat. Return deli meat to fridge. Laugh at roommate while roommate eats deli meat.
Nukey 2
Keep buying junk food until she gets fat? Then you'll be skinny, because you weren't eating it. XP
JinxosGirl87 0
Don't worry. The horrible diarreah you get from eating so much vegetables will be punishment enough for your roommate. Especially if you share a bathroom.
LouisianaBob 9
though if you normally eat a large amount of vegetables there would be no diarrhea. I would think the roommate would be the one who ends up with the diarrhea from eating junk and lots of dairy.
bizarre_ftw 22
Scare her by secretly taking in the seams of her clothes
saIty 17
Oh no! Not carrots, broccoli, and peas. *Gasp* Especially not the brussel sprouts.
SockMonkey333 0
And she's trying to keep you from getting fat but yet she ate all the food? Does that make any sense at all?
perdix 31
Yes, it makes sense. The roommate took one for the team by eating all the food that had calories in it. What raises eyebrows is how much the roommate can eat before she, too, gets fat?
Splurgeaholic 4
Maybe she was just high and got the munchies ?