Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Fuaaad1994 31
Sharing is caring..
infected150 27
Im sorry to hear that, dads will be dads.
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Comments (92)
infected150 27
Im sorry to hear that, dads will be dads.
tanekdrachonae 19
Prank war, ready, GO!
qwertsarecool122 23
Just eat loads of Tbell and repay the favor to him.
JJ_86 22
Is your dad's name Randy Marsh OP?
EphMi 5
WTF, #1, what kind of dad or any human being would do such a thing, that's just sick.
cakefete2 31
Well, for starters, OP's dad would do that.
zBLAKEz 23
I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one thinking of South Park when they read this.
sicksadworld1317 30
He must have ate the cuttlefish, 33.
incoherentrmblr 22
I guess he was in his sixth turdmester...
ibanghellokitty 8
Taco Bell, or he could drink coca cola and eat beans and then eat cooked ground beef with chicken noodles. Sit next to him and fart he will die xD
ztress 10
Whos dad is like this wtf?
PippaButtertubs 15
If OP is old enough, revenge: beer+cheetos
Fuaaad1994 31
Sharing is caring..
toxicsauce 10
I think there's something wrong with your dad...
badluckalex 23
I thought that having big ***** meant that you are healthy? no sarcasm here. thats what I have always been told
CurvyisCool 22
I think she meant mentally
cakefete2 31
I think she meant that OP's dad has too much fiber in his diet.
SpamPam 18
Just because you made a healthy turd does not make it ok to show it to others
TheCrystal 7
Hahaha! Sounds like something I would do...
Applesarefum 9
What the actual ****
savy_m 14
Well you're just shit out of luck.
OysterPearls 33
Is there a way we can get shit puns officially banned?
Miss_Whipped 43
I second this 'movement.'
LunaRebirth 7
19 - You mean 'bowel movement'
Respect101 17
bowl is what you it eat out of.. or go bowling. One letter my friend... one letter...
nolannolan16 8
He said bowel...
BlueFlatts 20
He or she probably edited the comment making the following guy look like an idiot.
MishaMash 9
You only have I think 90 seconds to edit your comment after you publish it...
more4me 27
Well , if you end up barfing you dinner , you can always call your dad.. "Hey Dad, get a load of this ! " Preferably before he eats something.
magickitten 26
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being as yucky as you can get, I'd give it a 10. Poor you OP!
BlueFlatts 20
How could you rate it unless you were there.
magickitten 26
The situation, not the actual shit. I'd have no desire to rate that...
ForFudgeSake 6
Just in time for Father's Day.
joefrazier 20
I do the same thing to my sister. Just think of it as family bonding.
Adam5858 17
Well,atleast he made a big(and smelly) impact on your life