Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was trying to lose weight, so she kindly removed all the junk food from the kitchen. I just found it all hidden under her bed. Apparently, she didn’t trust me enough to resist temptation, and she was absolutely correct. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that included the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
mirlil 0
what ever works
peacelovepink26 0
all i can say is that you are very lucky you got an awesome roommate like that. I mean, r u kidding? He/she cares enough about you she took away the treats and fatty food? i say ur lucky.
someblackguy 3
maybe she was just trying to eat everything because she had the munchies
nonamericandolla 6
Is that a bad thing? At leat she will gain weight while u lose weight!
howdmynosego 12
Get a patato out and make chips
jefffluffingham 5
your roommate is a god of the gastrointestinal system. also, hope to shit you don't have protein deficiency.
RAUN 8
Go out and get some more of those chocolates, the ones found in the drug section. Make a nice meat sauce or tuna salad and tell roomie, "hands off." The pet section has a nice supply of canned meats.
rougeunicorn03 17
Joke's on her, she's going to be the one who gets fat.
how_to_implode 17
It sounds like she might have a problem ....
softball_nerd_24 10
Wouldn't the roommate now be in danger of "getting fatter??"