Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
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Top comments
guitarbeast 22
Well at least you can arrest that bastard who was sleeping with your wife… or your wife
windfuelsfire 10
I bet that called up a lot of emotions at once.. FYL OP
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Comments (129)
ebonyirony 29
well, to be an optimist, at least you found out
perdix 31
Sounds more like a breaking and entering. But, without the breaking and lots and lots of entering.
ebonyirony 29
entering and leaving and entering.
perdix 31
#33, as Alex would say, "the old in-out, in-out." ;)
ebonyirony 29
perdix, would you like to be my newest droog?
perdix 31
#49, sure, that would be horrorshow.
neurodoc 1
What he asked her was "would u go in and out with me?.... Ummm burger I mean.."
NagainaFier 16
86; I get the burger (In and Out) reference, but what the hell are you talking about?
ebonyirony 29
it was really random...Perdix and I were on "A Clockwork Orange".
Twisted_Angel 17
Damn... that's a bad way to find out... FYL OP.
ICastillo 25
Well you should have walked in pepper sprayed them both and just said they were resisting arrest and shoot the guy in the dick with a tazer and then take them both in.
KiddNYC1O 22
Woah, your future cheating wife is in for a treat...
NagainaFier 16
Because no one is going to notice they were pepper sprayed... I doubt he's going to bust it out nilly-willy. You do know cops have to get sprayed with it before they're allowed to carry it, right? (Or at least down here they do, so that they don't, again, go busting out the mace at the slightest inclination)
erinchick1 7
I smell a divorce in the air...
AzNbABe69 0
*Snifffff* -Takes a big sniff- What exactly does that smell like because I don't smell anything? Is it a good smell or a bad smell? Also if you can smell divorce in the air, then can you see it the water? Or am I confusing this with something else?
Goaliefriend 5
Oh shit, now you can arrest him :)
MrsPegg 45
I wonder if the guy OP's wife was cheating with hit her. I can't even imagine the confusing emotions. One, being it's his wife and if she was hurt, wanting to beat the other guys ass and the second, she's a cheating bitch that you hate. Terribly heartbreaking OP and I'm so sorry.
shrdlu 28
@57 - Well said. Abused husbands/men seem to be a group that society conveniently ignores, and I think needs some awareness from the public. I nominate Phil Hartman for celebrity spokesperson.
MrsPegg 45
Sorry for not taking that into consideration. You know what they say about assumptions.... But I still feel it was emotionally taxing on the OP.
beebeeL 1
I really want to say that's what she gets but obviously no woman deserves to be hit on but **** that *****! fyl
Neligee 9
Ouch, mixed emotions huh!?! Hope you handled it well ... You would like to loose your badge.
DuckieBeanz14 0
Serves her right, honestly.. :/ sorry that happened to you though..