Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
Well worth it. She should be ashamed for behaving that way off duty and hopefully you can clear your name.
lantz4levi 19
That would be embarrassing. Why did you arrest this lady? "She punched me after I was trying to force myself on her husband"
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Comments (65)
BlazeCaravelli 13
that's bad luck
O0hdear 21
exactly what I thought as soon as I read this.
friedpwnadge 25
She was trying to harass and assault her husband? I hope OP's hubby files charges.
MDoremis 38
Bitch should have kept her hands to herself and not tried to assert herself on a married man.
HannahLastedxoxo 10
#84 I wish I could like this multiple times
Bethaneey 15
Nooooooo.
Tgimonday 14
well at least she can't arrest you
pokemyeyes 23
In the UK its a crime to assault an off-duty police officer (as in a separate crime) and they are still obligated to break crime up when they see it
NostalgiaFreak9 43
It may be a crime to assault an officer off duty or not, but that particular cop had it coming since she had no dignity, then chose to get drunk and force herself onto other men. Off duty or not, she should feel ashamed of herself and deserves whatever punishment comes her way.
Lyzeen 9
assault is always a crime.. you don't have to be an off-duty cop to get charged for that -.- besides that so is harassement. regardless of the gender. and if someone gets to close to me and doesnt back off after i asked for he/she gets his/her ass kicked. so good job OP!
jessmonkey 15
That could make for a solid threesome.
helptheorphans 17
ew
LilMissCanadian 22
That wasn't close to funny.
mrspace 3
i made a account just to say that this was funny every one else is just being a sensitive prick
jtfrisch 22
This is funny actually
sjewel 9
I thought it was funny. people have no sense of humor
luvlu444 24
guys it was a harmless joke, chill
Pandaling 12
@66. More like some people have a different sense of humor, so not everyone is going to find it funny.
R2Y2 22
Looking at it in conjunction with his profile pic was pretty funny. Not in a humorous way.
I_own_a_dog 11
Obviously OP is being sarcastic here but it seems the FML community has like, selective sarcasm hearing essentially and only they get to decide when someone is saying something sarcastic and funny.. But don't mind me I'm probably jaunt gonna get down voted like all these other unfortunate souls that tries to defend him..
lantz4levi 19
That would be embarrassing. Why did you arrest this lady? "She punched me after I was trying to force myself on her husband"
UserError94 18
Lol, should have had her husband buy her shots til she blacked out then shaved her eyebrows.
olpally 33
Well worth it. She should be ashamed for behaving that way off duty and hopefully you can clear your name.
rsue 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're kidding me, right? We can't even get a cop arrested for shooting an 11-year-old boy with a toy gun seconds after he got out of his car. Ain't no way this waste of oxygen is going to suffer for her actions.
doodlecloud 27
FML is from the UK. We're by no means perfect, but we tend not to shoot children.
lunar999 23
Some countries have laws regarding this sort of thing which would allow OP to have no charges held against her, unless there was serious damage to the other party.
Malsain_fml 10
Well, a cop is person before anything. Nobody's perfect, and I am pretty sure that a lot of drunk girl "attack" a lot of man, some of them married. And I am pretty sure not all of them are bad persons.
nourHERE 15
well she was clearly to drunk to arrest you
Lalala579121 28
I doubt this would be an FML if she was too drunk to do anything about it.
PixelSword24 15
Too*
gosh_mate 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Was there any need to be so violent? Surely you could have gotten security to remove her or something.
MrSassypants 34
The security guards were drunk too.
laden_swallow09 35
You actually think security guards are everywhere to save your helpless ass? Clubs may have bouncers, but most bars and taverns don't.
sjewel 9
sure let's asks the security guard to remove a drunk that hitting on someone. hitting on someone isn't against the law so they see no point
MissInformation 3
Actually they would see a point. As a former security guard at a night club, we would frequently remove people who were considered a high probability of causing a scene that will disturb other patrons, or likely to cause a fight before the fight actually happens. Coincidentally, more often than not it was overly intoxicated girls that were the problem, not the stereotypical "douche guys" at clubs.
Brandi_Faith 34
I'm probably going to get thumbed down, but I kind of agree with 8. Couldn't you have moved to a different place in the bar or left altogether? I don't think that punching someone is the answer unless you're trying to defend yourself. All punching someone does is get you in trouble (cop or not. You would've gotten thrown out for throwing the punch and if the cops were called you would've got charged.). I'm not saying ydi but i do think you should've walked away.
brendejafulable 41
What does violence solve? Nothing.
Obito_Uchiha651 17
if some guy was throwing themselves on my wife/gf I'm not going to ask them politely to stop
laden_swallow09 35
Hooray for blind idealism!
Mathalamus 25
I would also not punch them.
RedPillSucks 33
I doubt the husband was overpowered. he could easily have stopped this without the need for being violent
piker117 11
you can solve anything with the proper application of force
Morning_fml 22
In other words, you can solve anything by being violent. Appropriately.
the_real_dvd 21
#57 you've clearly never been hit on by a drunk overly aggressive woman.
oiler 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You should have not done that honestly, Violence is never the answer. YDI
hjds4n5 12
Violence is quite often an answer...Maybe not THE answer, but definitely a plausible one.
Lalala579121 28
What if the question is "what is physical aggression called?"
trollcrusher 17
@11 If violence is never the answer for you, then that's fine. But if that's the case, then it must be the question... to which the answer is yes.
Brandi_Faith 34
I think violence is only really needed if you're defending yourself. Other than that, it only gets you into trouble.