Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
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Comments (94)
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
mysadlyfe 9
Be careful of what she hears you and her dad say!
FroggerForReal 11
Yeah great way you find out your child might need a psychiatrist and you get to clean up a bloody mess. Killed two birds with one stone
Axipiter 24
Killed one bird with one windshield, actually.
demon_wolf 15
Actually therapy will make that worse. Trust me. Just cause she has a thicker skin you're going to send her thinking shes a maniac. Unless shes going out of her way to hurt animals, I say just let her be.
incoherentrmblr 22
Remember all those times those pigeons used the Windex to clean the sliding glass door and you walked into it? You finally got your revenge...
listner1 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Psycho kid. Talk to her that any living getting hurt is not funny.
abbii_7 8
not necessarily psycho, maybe OP is just a pussy
CharismaGeek 19
OP won't take your advice considering you called her child a psycho.
kingdomgirl94 29
Kid seems a little psycho. Maybe its too harsh a word... we need a word for baby psycho....
Dthsapprntc 23
Living things (humans mainly) getting hurt is flippin' hilarious. Haven't you ever watched America's Funniest Videos? But a bird going splat against your windshield isn't all that funny. And it's a pain to clean off the blood and guts afterwards.
blake1015 24
Oh, come on, #36. Why can't we just admit it? We all feed on tragedy.
ironichalibut 24
There is no great comedy, without great tragedy. Humor is always base in misfortune, and laughter is a way for people to feel better about things that scare them subconsciously.
kingdomgirl94 29
Clearly you've never seen Ellen! No fear or hostility or cruelty there!
sjbartholome 14
7 years of age is hardly a baby and laughing at a bird is hardly psycho
guidosarducci 3
Found the vegan.
Adam5858 17
Wow....you have some work to do !!!
IllestRated 17
The animosity!
ELoni_fml 25
Maybe get her in touch with animals more? She might learn to care for them a little more
LunaaBluee 27
Not sure why everyone's so butt hurt over this. Everyone at one point has watched or will watch a funny video on YouTube of animals getting hurt. Just because she laughed doesn't mean she has no compassion for animals. A few years ago, basically the same thing happened to me. A bird hit the windshield and landed in the back of the truck, my brother and I cried from laughter but his fiancé got extremely mad at us for doing so. We both love animals and just because we laughed it doesn't mean we are psychos. Everyone needs to calm down.
Maddiiee3011 13
The bird didn't just get hurt... It died
GentlemanBastard 15
I hate birds, so I would have laughed too. But OP's daughter seeing a living thing splattered on the windshield maybe should have at least frightened her a bit? Being 7 and all...
Thunderstruck14 30
If it got hurt that would suck but if it just died instantly, then it didn't suffer. Also, even though laughing at an animal's pain seems wrong because it implies you like that they got hurt, the animal actually doesn't understand your laughter like a human would. Therefore, the laughing doesn't hurt it any more. Also, don't mistake laughing for being a psycho. One could be a caring person and also laugh at a bird flying into a window.
JACKxRAWR 22
Hey, I love animals. I also love hunting animals...
demon_wolf 15
The hunt is extremely fun. You get to learn about how the animal sees and smells everything and how you can slip past them without startling them. Plus they taste and smell a lot better cooked.
spucyq 1
Oh boo hoo, what about all the other birds that die in wild, do you really care about them at all? If every living thing is precious why do we kill bugs and spiders all the time? People need to grow up and realize that the death of this bird is utterly inconsequential in even the smallest of scopes. You guys could serve to learn something from this kid. She seems ahead of the curve
Melix 31
Well isn't that lovely....
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
Bluebl4ze 16
I felt like the kid's been watching Game of Thrones
ishchandan 14
Future psychopath... :P
JJ_86 22
Not really. The kid only thought in the context of sudden incident. She probably didn't even realize how hurt the bird would have been. Just needs some teaching for caring about living things.
alicealiveordead 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
stuff like that happens all the time on television! it's hilarious! so funny when a small creature hurts itself to death! I would have laughed too.. I'm a terrible person..
swish25 6
You're a sick person. You're going to Hell
Respect101 17
yeah.... I wouldn't be proud of calling myself sick... unless I was coming down with an illness... not a full fledged mental illness, but like the common cold or flu.
alicealiveordead 13
With a humour like I have? One can only hope so!
CarlosDanger 12
Calling someone sick and then telling them they are going to experience eternal torture is hypocritical...
tiernang 21
Think of it as a warning, not a threat. It's not like any of us can personally deliver her to Hell.
popprock 13
It's not hilarious at all... And your comment is ludicrous. You are not cool or different just because you think it's funny....
nonnieluv 9
I laughed too I think this child may be a sociopath but the FML is pretty hysterical.
alicealiveordead 13
Indeed! I never said I was nice or not going to hell.
shudson186 17
Take her to therapy or at least force her to watch lassie!!!
RedPillSucks 33
Or Old Yellow
GentlemanBastard 15
I prefer New Yellow. It's got a much brighter story.
CaptainSmith28 19
I thought it was Old Yeller. didn't know there was a Yankee version.