Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
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Top comments
Froley 0
Just because she wants to make sure she's safe and you know what you're doing, you think she doesn't trust you? Be happy that she trusts you enough to take her virginity. YDI.
cabbitt 0
I don't trust you either.
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Comments (136)
TheUnknown_fml 9
learn to do it right!!!!
KingDingALing 9
So many people learn how to "do it right" on their own. It's not that hard to put a condom on.
MutatedCranium 0
Wow maybe she just wants to be very sure. Why would you take it personally?
sibre2001 0
you are about to swipe a v card and the worst problem you have is she wants to make sure you can wrap your dick right? **** off man.
KaintukeeBob 13
Congrats, man. You get to be your g/f's first time, AND she is being smart and responsible. She's obviously a type A personality, and wants to make sure things go well. If she's interested in sex and willing to google sexual activities, it's entirely likely that she will be willing to try new and interesting things with you. Enjoy it. And learn to put on a condom right. It's not tough.
cabbitt 0
I don't trust you either.
boopityboppity 11
OP: "I'll be careful." Girlfriend: "You'll be dead!" Enter Obi-Wan, who defends the OP by cutting off the girlfriend's arm.
boopityboppity 11
Someone, somewhere, will get that and laugh. Hopefully.
imaginaryvoice 18
Hahahahahahaha
lv426master 0
LAWL
Haterman123 0
its not me
IrishWildMan 3
Bar scene in A New Hope?
extremenoodles 0
All I can think of is that Robot Chicken episode, and the poor guy couldn't be an architect any more.
restythestar 0
LMAO. #33 win!
CitizenSnipz 0
Epic Win.
blkpanther510 4
roflmao
whacker 2
8088
Froley 0
Just because she wants to make sure she's safe and you know what you're doing, you think she doesn't trust you? Be happy that she trusts you enough to take her virginity. YDI.
tttiffany 0
agreed!
teh_uber_muffin 3
that pic is so ftw jim
noshtsherlock 0
exactly :)
RavenXRampage 1
I agree too. You're complaining over nothing. At least if both of you are aware and vigilant, less chance of a clearly unwanted pregnancy.
do_me_now 1
You need to spread her legs out and nip her! That bitch is stupid
sexy6969 0
r u a boy or girl
Elizabeth123654 0
idk 118, are YOU a boy or a girl? I really can't tell
Erindub 0
If she doesn't trust you thats one thing. I think its good of her to be interested in learning ESPECIALLY about something THIS IMPORTANT. Get over it dude. You ought to sit her down and talk with her about sex. The key is communication
CoachLlama 5
She has chosen you for this milestone in her life. Don't be an idiot.
boopityboppity 11
A big deal you may be, but you're also either really bad at giving advice or just awful at being funny.
KiddNYC1O 22
You should've said "Trust me, virgin." with emphasis on the word virgin.
boopityboppity 11
... Why would she care?
JGood09 0
damn virgins i tell ya
PointAndLaugh 0
It's like being a senior, and calling someone a freshmen. It's demoralizing.
boopityboppity 11
Neither of the instances is demoralizing, actually.
Elizabeth123654 0
im a virgin... and I will ******* kill anyone who makes ME pregnant on the first time around.
ShadowCzar 5
Isnt all their fault. If you have sex your taking the risk so deal with it
orangesodaftw 0
She doesn't want to get preggers because of your inadequateness. I don't blame her for not trusting you. I wouldn't either.
amberbby69 6
It's better to be safe than sorry.
kingghidorah 10
According to halestorm it's better sorry than safe ;) lol but seriously this isn't a big deal. And seriously that's a great song =)
pinkdottedbow 0
It's a real saying, they're not just lyrics from a song.
kingghidorah 10
I know. I just felt like mentioning the song haha
GoodLookingGeese 10
who said they would be sorry, maybe they would have nice kids, LOL
jmcr 27
Thank you for reminding me of that song its really good and havent heard it in forever
mintcar 10
You probably failed the quiz.