Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML
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Top comments
sarah6786 14
Never trust birds
babalooisbabaloo 5
Woah! They have synchronized bladder cycles!!!
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Comments (112)
youaint 2
Why would you let anyone bring a nasty animal into your house? Birds are ******* repulsive! My sister has a dog, but she would never bring that shitty thing to my house!
VintageBooby 6
Is bird still the word?
himexcherry 8
Why do you only have one clean shirt? Besides, birds ******** on you is meant to be good luck
kikimonole 13
Fyl for the bird poop. You obviously don't know about birds. Mine poops every 15 minutes. Just saying. Also, you deserve the skin tearing. That's what you get for freaking a bird out by trying to push it off of you.
BuckNekkid 22
shat? wtf is that? is that supposed to be the same as shit?
SoultheWolf 19
....shat is the past tense version of shit...
BuckNekkid 22
no it's not, it's also 'shit', do the conjugation and you will see, no one ever uses shat. wtf?
showen_fml 4
Falcon punch
yousuck44 11
That's why I hate birds -_- they shit on your shirt and pick at your skin
mookiemookie01 24
birds can be nasty
Kate2164 8
I agree ur life sucks but u deserve it too because u coulda told ur sister thatbu dont want her bird there because birds r harsh.