Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sarah6786 14
Never trust birds
babalooisbabaloo 5
Woah! They have synchronized bladder cycles!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
answeryourphone 3
that shucks
xxjenn27xx 8
haha gotta love birds ;)
rooney0710 5
One does not simply domesticate a bird meant to fly without problems such as these.
DracoSpirita 21
Does that mean everyone should have a penguin like in "Mr. Popper's Penguins"?
Bmac0611 0
Gross
moemoney8888 7
Well FYL for what happened but also YDI for having only 1 clean shirt...
asherah14 7
How do you only have one clean shirt!? Seriously do your laundry more frequently. As to the bird, your sister really should be more responsible to introduce the bird to new people slowly so this sort of thing doesn't happen.
Squeaky_Tomato 14
I agree with both counts. However I doubt OP was gently moving the bird...
0ops_i_died 8
Sounds like you should do some laundry. Oh, and sorry about getting mauled
JohnnyRainbow111 1
Wow
whogivesafuck88 10
I ******* hate birds. They are dirty and evil. Fyl op
artillerysex 1
Why do you only have one clean shirt? Do your laundry.