Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
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Top comments
MrXerxes5 6
Congratulations! Your Parrot has learned Peck!
llamalover96 0
the horror :o
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Comments (88)
llamalover96 0
the horror :o
RouletteRed 6
Actually it's not that bad of an ordeal. Think of it this way. You now have a new item for dinner.
MyEpicDemise 7
If walking past the parrot can make it so angry, I wouldn't want to imagine what would happen if you pee on it.
dre_bro11 12
12, why would you pull your penis out in front of a bird with a two inch beak anyway (or try to squat on it if you're a chick)? To piss on it or not, it's a stupid idea.
Palirose 22
I want 12 to try to pee on it so that he/she can make a FML about it when it bites them so I can be the bully from the Simpsons and scream HAHA as the first comment. :D
PYLrulz 17
Today, I tried to take a piss on the parrot that attacked me. I have now lost my penis. FML
Skittlepickle 13
12 Who would pee on a bird? If someone squatted over/aimed at me I would use my 2 inch long beak.
Daralea 21
Congrats on your recent sex change, 25.
Skittlepickle 13
The parrot pricked you lol _________^^^^
FarSide 23
It is not possible if you murder the squawking beggar...
MrXerxes5 6
Congratulations! Your Parrot has learned Peck!
DaySetsFire 2
It was super effective
THE_A_TEEN 28
Op fainted... Op was rushes to the pokemin center...
THE_A_TEEN 28
*pokemon
Buttsexpirate 9
Only a matter of time till it learns agility and drill peck. Then you're ******.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Atleast it doesn't have "Fly", so you can still strike back.
jaminjames 0
And now the parrot will mock you. * skwouk you suck skwouk *
Luke1717 0
Let me eat the sushi with your blood on it!
13FTW 9
What the fuuuuck?
ZXDriver 0
Wait.. Sushi?
NoLongerExists 11
It's from Smosh (actually, "kids react to smosh" video).... But seriously, WTF has that anything to do with the FML and OP?
Luke1717 0
Smosh reference. Yes it is quite irrelevant but seeing as OP needed stitches, I'm assuming OP was bleeding. When the kid said this it was unexpected and weirded everyone out like I just did...
hahahayeahright 5
How about this? DONT WALK PAST THE CAGE! How dare you think you can do otherwise?:P
dirtbiker267 0
How about I give you a cup of shut the **** up?
Torva_fml 16
35- how about you keep your cup of shut the **** up, and drink it too.
dirtbiker267 0
Hey theres enough to go around
marpay 11
Its on a perch not in a cage. So its pretty much free to roam.
Torva_fml 16
I woulda let it be "free" outside if it did that shit to me.
smiley1014 23
Oh hell no! It has tasted blood. End its existence.
skinthesnakes 6
Dont get wood in front of a bird, they take it very seriously.
emerluvsu 6
Get that ************ a cage!
fthislyfe 22
You must be wondering how parrot barbecue tastes.
sixspades 0
Lip smacking good!
toalysium 15
I'm thinking Kentucky Fried parrot.
emerluvsu 6
Sounds expensive.
cnkk07 8
You know what they say about parrots who have tasted blood...