Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML
Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML
Pranked
Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
That's that, then
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
WTF dude?
Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML
Keep it in the family
Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML
Busted
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML
Boundaries
Today, I found out that both my boyfriend and his brother feel completely comfortable going into the bathroom and talking to their mother while she is on the toilet. FML
Top comments
brinaaa_fml 4
Maybe you should make sure not to let him into your room ever again :)
sirpantselot 22
Also, asking not to get thumbed down is a) a guarantee you will get thumbed down, and b) pretty much an admission that it's deserved
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Comments (187)
airforce987 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Incest is wincest! Please don't thumb me down into oblivion. Jokes are not meant to be taken seriously people.
RadikulRam 16
The ducks are neither magnetic. (Explaination: For a stupid joke you get a stupid response.)
sirpantselot 22
Also, asking not to get thumbed down is a) a guarantee you will get thumbed down, and b) pretty much an admission that it's deserved
dinorider_fml 4
It's kind of obvious that it was not to be taken seriously. I thumbed you down because it is an overused joke, not because I thought you supported incest.
BossPathfinderGM 14
Technically, not incest. "Step brother" is not biologically related. Still creepy as **** though, not to mention nasty.
ImaginaryFoe 1
No, jokes shouldn't be taken seriously but they *should* be funny.
Callyn 47
It can't be Wincest, the OP is a girl and they're stepsiblings. Sam and Dean are the real thing.
Drigr 9
20 - you said they aren't related so its not nasty. let's assume the parents got married when the teens were about 15. Now they are about 18 (assumptions). They have known each other 3 years now. I've known my current gf for 5. On a different note, he coulda had a thing for here before the parents wanted to do it
Drigr 9
BTW, I'm only playing devils advocate on it being nasty. creepy as **** still applies
_Oblivion_ 12
Yeah guys don't thumb himself into me
hunterfisher98 8
Number -50, into oblivion you go...
evilplatypus 39
24 - The term "wincest" existed long before that pairing.
sheethapins 13
Yeah... I just thumbed you down for requesting not to be. ;)
RubyRae 2
I love the way you think.
ObeyStudKing 4
#1 Your a dumbass. Op you need to tell an adult what you saw. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in your house. Your step-brother sounds like a horny retarded freak that needs to kicked in the nuts.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
96 no boy deserves to be kicked in the nuts. How would you like it if I said you deserve to be punched in the ******? An uppercunt if you will
Reeserr 3
"Your a dumbass" How ironic
doobs454 0
Incest is the best, put your sister to the test!
Ciraxas 7
96 - you're a ******* idiot. "a guy likes me, OMG CALL THE COPS"
unlucky90 4
Haha, uppercunt. Asking not to be thumbed down=getting thumbed down.
Link5794 18
I'd thumb #1 down, but I don't want to ruin the 222 count.
Fredds_Life 3
Testing your theory. PLEASE DON'T THUMB ME DOWN!!
jpest17 5
Lol
aerogxt 7
I'll thumb up yours, I mean, you....whatever >.
ChaCerCam 14
it's not even incest.
DeanWinchester67 11
Wincest is OTP
brinaaa_fml 4
Maybe you should make sure not to let him into your room ever again :)
Haskins54 4
I jus replied here so my reply wouldn't be at the very bottom{/_}
doctorhook86 25
I'm just gonna say that there's a decent chance that anything said by "buddies in group chat" is bullshit--guys bullshit with each other. And if it's through an online game, it's even more likely to be bullshit. OP may not need to worry.
pinkpixie06 11
Am I the only person who thinks there's a chance that he is not a total perv? First, they are not blood-related. Second, there's a chance that their parents are newly married and OP & the brother have not grown up together. Therefore he doesn't feel like her sibling and being attracted to her is something he cannot control. It is definitely an uncomfortable situation. But may not be as creepy as it sounds!!
onlychildFTW 34
Not related, not incest. Period.
OceanNut4 4
It would still be awkward at family dinners lol
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Oh shiiit ruuuuuun!!!!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ohhh brotherly love. Haha. You might want to have a little chat with him.
challan 19
reminds me of you man!!
PinkieKeen 20
Brotherly? OP is a girl, dumbass. You obviously cannot tell the difference between the national female and male sign, can you?
CustardAndPie 13
#121, and her step-BROTHER apparently has a crush on her. A brother can have brotherly love for his sister, and #3 was quite clearly just playing on that because of the situation. Surely I can't be the only one that's understood this?
KunoKanashimi 3
It sounds like the beginning of a creepy porno.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
121 - You obviously don't understand that brotherly love doesn't apply to only males. But what should I expect from someone with the name pinkiekeen.
neonstud 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
^its most likely a girl if he wants to get into her pants
charmedamethyst 14
Well yeah, obviously - the FML shows that the OP is female. Sisters can receive 'brotherly love', too. But clearly the way her step brother feels is not appropriate in this situation.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Thank you 27 haha. Her step brother is showing a bit to much of it though.
ElricMustang 23
Omg 27, don't move! You're surrounded by idiots...
dinorider_fml 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
FYL, but you also should respect his privacy
MissMae93 23
Uhm, you should also not have the hots for your step-sibling. I'm pretty sure OP's snooping is justified.
dinorider_fml 4
I agree that it is lucky OP found this out before it is to late, but OP snooped unknowingly to the situation, so at that point it was unjustified.
goaliemkl123 8
The ends justify the means
GBHero 1
Yeah, I agree with that but that's not what 13 was talking about. The OP's discovery justifies her invading her step-brother's privacy. If OP hadn't found out that her step-bro has the hots for her vajayjay, then it'd be pretty unjustified for her to do that.
MedKits 9
This is what you guys are saying here: invasion of privacy is justified only when something is being kept secret from you, which is probably why it was private to begin with. Do you know how ****** up that sounds?
simonsaysYDI 8
Yeah invading someone's privacy is never okay.. unless they have a warrant ;). As an adult who had parents who believed teenagers didn't deserve privacy, snooping is for dicks. I once planted a fake journal just to prove they'd been snooping because they never admitted that they found info by sneaking into my room. Anyway.. OPs brother didn't do anything wrong, worst case he probably told his buddies, "my stepsister is ******* hotttt". If they haven't been step siblings very long, it's not unnatural =/
NeatNit 33
No one can control their own feelings. A pedophile is not a bad person because he likes children, he's only a bad person if he acts out those desires. No one can control what they feel. As for OP's brother, he sounds a bit passive aggressive but not like he's hitting on his sister. It can be forgiven. The thing is it would have made no difference in OP's life if she didn't know about it, if she didn't SNOOP IN HIS STUFF! You should be judged by your actions, not by your thoughts. OP is nosey. Her brother is just stuck in a bad situation.
joep1 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I would suggest letting a parent know, this is extremily creepy and wrong on so many levels. No one should have to feel this way with a person sharing their household. Sorry OP.
docscientist 10
How is it wrong on 'so many levels'? You realize they aren't actually related, right?
joep1 7
Okay the relationship you have with somebody when your parents get married has the word "brother" in it. Your living with that person and related or not you become siblings and legally related. One should have the right to feel comfortable in their own house without worrying about a family member trying to get in their pants. Blood related or not. If you can't see the obvious morally wrong issue that this situation causes, that is up to you to reflect on.
joep1 7
Also, just to put it in perceptive, would you feel comfortable announcing to your work colleagues or school mates that you fantasize about banging your step-sister? Even if you do somehow there is a glimmer of doubt or worriness that runs through your brain before you say it thus proving it is morally questionable and unacceptable.
sens3sfailing 25
"I ****** a fat girl on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels" -Bo Burnum
HighGTurn 12
Blood related is WAY different from legally related.
aJaguarinRed 9
It doesn't sound like he was actively trying to get in her pants, just that he wants to.
BeachBoi_Alex 7
"Legally-related". Do you seriously think that means its 'morally wrong' for a guy develop an attraction to a girl that has forced 'legal-relations' with him? If you do then i think their is some wiring missing in your head.
aerogxt 7
I'm just guessing you got it on with a sibling of yours at some point. You certainly seem to know a lot about the topic.
Kazucchi 6
Just so you know, in most countries which have the concept of "step relatives", including the USA, so long as you're not blood related, even the law doesn't give two ***** what you do as long as it's consentual. Hell, I married my stepsister. We have two slightly annoying teens of our own, too.
Xx_Benny73_xX 12
I'm not surprised.. since most guys only care about getting into a girls pants nowadays anyway..
Shrike 24
Yeah, listen to the little 16-year-old boy, everybody. He knows what's up. [/sarcasm]
dinorider_fml 4
9- Gee, thanks for speaking for all of us
DJNach 1
Did he not say most?
Llamacod 11
yes but everyone only reads/ comprehends what they want
Branflakes78 13
dale jr sucks :)! go Stewart
PYLrulz 17
Even their own relation?!? Where the hell are you from, Alabama?!?
MedKits 9
Non relation. You read the step brother part right?
CyborgBanana 12
9 - Let me guess, you're one of these guys who always complain about getting 'friend-zoned' by every girl too, right?
User57777 13
Just because some of us guys do that, doesn't mean all we're all like that. I'm almost sure there are girls that do the same. You're probably one of those girls that say 'all guys are the same' anyway.
perdix 31
You don't have to leave the house and he has bouts of serious bowel distress -- sounds like a convenient boyfriend, that is, if you are into Cleveland Steamers and Boston Pancakes.
perdix 31
#49, I know! I wish I had never heard of that shit, and I can't unlearn it. To anyone who doesn't know what these terms refer to: Don't look them up and don't ask anyone what they mean. When you learn their meanings, you become a lesser person.
peve3 12
Perdix, you do realize now that you said "don't look that up" tons of people are going to Google it? Kind of like when someone says don't go through that door, everyone wants to go through that door. I am taking your warning to heart, though because if it makes you want to unlearn it, I most definitely would want to.
perdix 31
#74, My thinking is that I didn't just say don't look those things up, but I also described the consequences. I'd hope people would be able to learn from the experiences of those who went before them. If I say don't watch "Gigli," learn synthetic division or attend an Amway presentation, I'd pray that it doesn't cause a wave of interest in those life-sucking disasters.
BenL97 5
Alabama Hotpocket is the worst of them all.
holyshitbatman 20
id definitely tell your parents & his before it turns into something horrible!
joep1 7
Sounds familiar
Austyn57 1
ba bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing
ghirahim 5
Crazy frog?
uglycrow 5
No.. Banjo music.. Lol
laden_swallow09 35
You couldn't just say, *hums "Dueling Banjos"* ?