Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML
Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML
Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML
Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards, and my monthly paycheck was in that purse. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Punch him in the face and say shit happens bro
Sir_ND_Pity 35
remind him of that when he finds out he has an STD
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Comments (104)
mpsteve137 15
Punch him in the face and say shit happens bro
firefighter925 18
Or push him down some stairs
zeuslovesyaoi 17
i warned you about the stairs bro
jojimugo 20
#17 .. It's a ironical with a name like yours to tell OP to push his roommate down the stairs ., lol
firefighter925 18
#33 Hey that's job security for me lol
fareith 15
He got a hooker and he didn't share? Tsk tsk.
captainObviously 15
#18 damn bro stairs happen.
ColdplaySucks 18
I say break his knees till his medical bills equal what you lost.
RadikulRam 16
He lives in the U.K, he'll serve 15-18years in prison. (Yes, that is an exaggeration).
empathique_fml 9
That will take quite a while! They don't pay medical bills in the UK. And pay nearly nothing on medication. And get reimbursed the transport to the hospital.
Reaper1984 13
#34 I have to agree with you ive had a job thanks to idiots for about 10 yrs now. They also provide a good laugh once in awhile, ive seen so much ridiculous stuff i start questioning humanity
Reaper1984 13
Now that I think about it ive done some pretty stupid in my day and im a firefighter. We are professional only 24 hrs at a time. The next 48 hrs after that its a different ball game
Sir_ND_Pity 35
remind him of that when he finds out he has an STD
Offspring_fml 27
We don't really know if he has an STD or not, but karma suits him if he does.
nbandofbrothers 10
Actually prostitutes are less likely to have an STD.
happle 21
I'd love to see some evidence or logic behind that.
pistachiopanda 19
"Crabs happen, bro.."
MacMonster 10
Now when he complains to you about having an STD, you know what to say.
MacMonster 10
Damn, #2 got it first.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Charge him for his horny expenses.
CoachBangWhore 5
Why I otta charge you for being a little bastard
torbey 23
Well we know what your response will be when he gets herpes.
oNisao 21
Probably gonna need a new roommate.
epic13 12
You may have to become a prostitute to earn all that back.
megank12 17
He sounds like a great roommate.
MidnaLink 35
Even I could read the blatant sarcasm in this comment! Thumb her up people!
Paco_el_Taco 17
So do STDs.
melkymac101 17
Well he gave a reasonable response "Shit happens bro" sometimes shit does happen
Zomg_Okay 27
"Shit happens bro" is not a reasonable response when somebody confronts you about the stuff you robbed from them.
HaneenDixon 16
I agree with 22. In this case, "shit" didn't happen. His "roommate and a hooker" happened!
LuckBeNimble 19
22: I agree, but without proof OP is at a loss. besides, what if the prostitute stole it after OPs roommate dutifully paid her with his own money? while OPs roommate is decidedly a douche-nozzle, lets not jump to conclusions.
GwylaFelidae 7
I am taking the phrase "splash out" to mean that the roommate did not pay the prostitute. If that is the case the prostitute took what s/he could find.
skatoolaki 24
It isn't a reasonable response since the shit ONLY happened because of the roomie's choice to bring a prostitute into their home. You can't say shit just happens when you're the singular cause of the shitstorm.
LuckBeNimble 19
64: I see. I understood it to mean "splurge" since I'm not from the UK, I just figured it was a region thing. my apologies!