Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML
Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML
Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML
Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards, and my monthly paycheck was in that purse. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Punch him in the face and say shit happens bro
Sir_ND_Pity 35
remind him of that when he finds out he has an STD
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Comments (104)
Mangolian 5
call the cops and hold him responsible for it
robotiick7 23
You should sell his most valuable things and say shit happens bro
DaLiquer 20
Here is your sign, if a guy has to buy a prostitute then something is wrong in his head to begin with, time to upgrade to a roommate that is not broken!
simsgirlgem 25
and then you throw your roommate out until the bastard pays you back for what was stolen get some friends to help keep out too
falconpoke007 10
He sounds like an ass. How karma hits him in the face.
Superjen30123 4
That sounds terrible! You shoulda try and find a new roommate cuz that doesn't sound very fair. :-/
avapaige1234 19
He's so going to get either STD or herpes.
Zebediabolical 45
Herpes IS an STD
GRgoldfish 19
OK while reading the comments I figured out what you need to do. pawn everything in his room, and when he asks 'what the hell happend to all my stuff'? you reply 'shit happens bro'. but that's just me.
chosha_fml 27
Things are missing and maybe they turn up later, but a thing can't 'turn up missing.' It's like saying something was fixed up broken.
Omniprism 15
Make him pay.