Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML
Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML
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Top comments
superswagbro 7
What a bitch.
Futacy 30
"Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! EVERYBODY!!!"
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Comments (84)
RastaboyJordanE 0
Mr lahey, is that you?
Lucia_Malpense 14
Who?
SuperKnuckels 6
"shit winds are a comin'" well 2 things she has good taste and now you know who to hide booze from instead of wondering where it went
thejewishfuhrer 17
This has gotta be from a movie, book, tv show, YouTube clip, etc... Unfortunately it seems the majority of people aren't understanding the reference, myself included. Nice try though.
SuperKnuckels 6
thats because your not canadian but if op read it theyd all understand.
gojira666 7
Its from trailer park boys. Definitely a canadian classic
Lucia_Malpense 14
I'm Canadian. Still have no idea what he meant.
shoopd 19
Trailer park boys is amazing. You don't have to be Canadian to appreciate that. I AM the liquor Julian!
kirbeaar 19
"Look Ran, I'm mowing the air!"
superswagbro 7
What a bitch.
CheeseTron 15
The correct term is "**** cake"
yodas0da 12
Girlfriend's mother or not, I'd still call her out.
ManInTheMachine 20
I'm not surprised. After your girlfriend's drunken sex episode, I thought you would be happy too. I guess that 'walk of shame' wasn't as shameful as we thought, huh?
Lucia_Malpense 14
You can't always connect two separate FMLs together.
ManInTheMachine 20
Apparently not, as I'm willing to bet that the majority of people that thumbed me down didn't even know it was an FML reference.
Skyblu10 10
Well I noticed, but the joining of the two sucked.
CheeseTron 15
^ balls, if I may add.
ManInTheMachine 20
Oh, I'm not saying it was funny. I'm not even saying it was good. I'm just saying I doubt many people got it. Glad at least some of you did, though. And of you didn't like it, there's a button for that. Feel free to use it.
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
they did...
ManInTheMachine 20
No, I meant thumb me down and leave it at that, not thumb me down and comment "ERH MERH GERHD, UR COMMENT SUCKED!" ...but this isn't getting me anywhere, so I'm just going to shut up now. Carry on.
BRLHP 24
Yeah I got the reference, it needed a thumb down.
blcksocks 19
That's a good call #46
Krajjan 9
It's good to see even the popular kids can screw up every once on a while. Gives me hope.
isaiaah 6
People can't make references to other FML's now? God some people in this world. Take every opportunity they can to attempt and make someone feel bad. It appalls me. You all disgust me
CyborgBanana 12
74 - Stop licking ass, it was a terrible reference. Everyone is equal here and that reference would suck no matter who posted it.
BulldogHoops 14
74- You're a hypocrite. You criticize these people for making ManInTheMachine feel bad, while saying that you are appalled and disgusted by them, thus insulting them and possibly making them feel bad. Think before you try to make yourself seem like a saint by belittling others.
mpj13 8
Time for an awkward conversation with your girlfriend
TechnicolorNova 7
Or with her mother. haha ):
bigtaytay 13
Or both...DUN DUN DUNNNNN!
TechnicolorNova 7
Or neither, if he isn't confrontational. haha
rs89 20
or with the girlfriend's father along, if it was an intervention!
Lucia_Malpense 14
At least you found out right away.
onlychildFTW 34
Time to get those bottles back. Steal them back and make a point of telling her she's a thieving bitch.
emilyjgraham 34
not the most mature way to go about it 39!
onlychildFTW 34
Well maybe she shouldn't be a thieving bitch.
Futacy 30
"Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! EVERYBODY!!!"
onlychildFTW 34
Not for OP, only the mother in-law.
StoryOfTheYear 15
42-- They're not married yet.
Inheritance 10
If you ain't taking shots get the **** out this club!
gc327072 31
Blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol.
TechnicolorNova 7
Well, on the bright side, you know what to get her mother for Christmas? Put a bell on the cabinet, so when her mother is over and it's opened you can hear it. (: ahaha.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Or a lock? :) just a suggestion OP
TechnicolorNova 7
I actually originally put lock as well, but I feel to get some alcohol that might be either a bit too tedious or a bit too difficult if you're drunk by that point. haha! Bell seems easier, and you can detach it and reattach for each motherly visit. haha. We all have to be a little sneaky time to time.
RentaName 15
I guess thought she needed it more than you. Personally I hate thieves. Talk to your girlfriend. I just hope we don't see another fml about how you accused your girlfriend's mom of stealing and then figured out you just put your liquor in a different spot.
Nbrandwine 7
Seems like mommy has a little secret..
farkie3 8
Eeyup.
toomuchflush 1
Ratchet ass females