Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML
Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML
Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML
Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards, and my monthly paycheck was in that purse. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Punch him in the face and say shit happens bro
Sir_ND_Pity 35
remind him of that when he finds out he has an STD
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Comments (104)
Zachthejoker 10
You could also just shit in his bed and say shit happens bro
jessejamesc 8
lol.. turn up - missing. u funny guy.
graceinsheepwear 34
maybe he took your stuff to pay for the hooker...
langoustine_fml 10
What the hell is splash out?
chuckcloninger 12
Take things from him that are double the cost of your items. Take anything else of yours that has any value and have another good friend hold all of it for you. He may decide to pay you for your losses. And/or you can call the cops in and have them investigate.
mialee34 4
Your friend stole it
bkarp911 8
Greatest roommate right there.
jack_splat 11
Tell him shit dosnt happen. It is created by Assholes!
BrettLester3 5
You should've beat the **** out of him, emptied his wallet to compensate for yours, & said, "shit happens bro."
Estuansis 8
Shit happens? So do hospital bills. That **** would have broken fingers and be looking for a new place to live if it was me.