Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML
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Top comments
HerpYourDerp 7
What do you mean, "again"? How many times has that snake been missing in your apartment?
Buttsexpirate 9
While in the bathroom you're gonna hear "Feed me ssssseymour!"
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Comments (131)
THE_A_TEEN 28
You do realize that isn't blood but the dissolve contents of a unfertalize egg cell, right?
megaaann_fml 9
*Napoleon Dynamite face* IDIOT! A period isn't the dissolved contents of a unfertalized egg cell, it's the shedding of the lining of the uturus that is made from blood vessels formed for a sort of cushioning for a fertilized egg, which would then, over time, become a baby. If the egg isn't fertilized, the lining sheds, becoming what is called A PERIOD, dipshit.
Lidiya8lml 0
THE A TEEN how did you ever pass biology class?
Skittlepickle 13
Geez, SHE'S the woman. I think she knows more about periods then you, mr man
leadman1989 16
I LOVE your picture. Especially because Moses parted the RED sea! I just grossed myself out D:
Justforlolz 14
39's my hero for that one line in the beginning. You deserve +2 internetz.
perdix 31
Learn to say "GTFO" in Parseltongue.
slushpup9696 12
Hsssshhhhkaaa the **** out.
rberry88 4
Don't worry, you can't get pregnant when you are on your period...
showmeyourears 19
Actually you can. Some women ovulate during their periods. Which is unfortunate because no one wants to tap that during your time of the month.
Calen5556 0
Better wear a cup tonight.
rberry88 4
Did anyone else just think that we may have a new viral internet video in the making?
Lidiya8lml 0
Rberry 88 you a pervert
champjb 0
No snake is attracted to blood. Seriously....
billigoat 8
Easy. Become a parseltongue and command it to go back in its cage.
maphineRAWRS 10
Punch it in the nose, then it will stop attacking you
danielreader22 4
Unless it bites your hand.
iBanana 17
What you need to do is lure it with a used tampon.. An' then blow it up.
Zaffro 8
To be honest as long as it isn't a big ass constrictor you're ok. Worst you will get is a nip from it... Then take it and release it somewhere problem solved.
icic6772 0
That snake is gonna have fun for the next few days.