Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML
Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML
Today, is my one day off for the week. My mother in law is visiting, and has decided we need to rearrange my living room. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
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Top comments
wokawokanomnom 5
No offense but ur moms retarded lol that sucks goodluck with that
FriscoKidz 10
Tell your mom you'll double the "energy flow" that he's created for half the price. Then go buy a flat screen to go with your lamp and old mattress.
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Comments (130)
HomeAl0ne 20
He uses a Compass to decide where to put stuff eh? Run a few power cords around the house in various patterns. When he shows up, switch them on to create magnetic fields that will deflect the compass needle. Try different combinations of cords on and off until you find the one that has him put all the good stuff in your room.
pedobearsteve 0
that sorta happened on the boondocks
Locoluis 15
Feng Shui is the Asian Art of Gracious Living. The clutter you insist on keeping in your room is, unfortunately, bad for the house's Feng Shui. Keep only the essential, keep everything on its place, and live happy. That's what your mom wants for you. But that's not what you want for yourself. Why don't you own your own home already, so you can keep all your junk there however it pleases you? You seem to have the money, so I think your problem is that... ... you're still a minor. Shut the heck up and honor your mother.
Shrike 24
TL;DR - "Derp!!!"
PYLrulz 17
What!?
minisquid 9
Uh, no?
leadman1989 16
I bet he's feng-shuiing your mom too.
PYLrulz 17
Feng-Shui... Ain't that Chinese for "move shit around for no reason"?!?
MrUnicorn 3
All you have left? So your mom pretty much paid for theft?
JinxosGirl87 0
Did she answer the spam email he sent telling her that his wife and children died in a rice factory accident and he will use his talents in exchange for $5000?
SkardeyKat 3
Wow, $5000. How do I become one of these "Feng-Shui masters"? Tell your mom I'll come throw all her crap away for half the price!
TURLOCK 4
dude if there were 100 ppl like ur mom pay that much in taxes in each county this country wont be broke lol
Bekll 31
She needs to watch the Penn and Teller episode on feng-shui that demonstrated how it's a pseudoscience. I bet you can find it online for free.