Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
kaprookie 3
Irish Threesome :D
n_epic_fail 14
Once you get them to understand their mistake, use guilt to talk them into a threesome. The black eyes won't matter then...
nava1210 12
And by "mistake" you mean "on purpose"
AnonymousTroll 2
Yo dog, I herd you like mistaks so I purpously made de mistake of doing this scentance ful off mistaks witch haz no reel pourpose beisides troling.
Iamaninchworm 0
Congratulations are in order.
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
Guess imma be the first one to say it, were you listing to black eyed peas? :/, ah come on, I tried...
yourlifesfucked 0
If he WAS listening to the Black Eyed Peas, than he deserved to get punched in the face. They suck some major donkey ****.
thefmlman2011 37
where is the love?
plehning77 0
How the heck do u accidentally grab someones ass? Haha. YLS :P
BoredomCentral 8
He probably thought it was his girlfriend.. Or it really was an accident, in which case I want to know how that happened.
ShyAnn29 15
Maybe it was a line he was in, and someone pushed into him, causing him to grab the ass of the girl in front of him..? It could happen
cradle6 13
Double standard. Imagine if the genders were opposite in this fml and a male punched a girl in the face for accidentally touching him. If your life is in danger, then sure, use violence to survive, but attacking someone for something that easily could have been accidental is insane. And OP's girlfriend is an abusive bitch.
lajardiniere 2
Maybe he tripped, and latched on to the nearest ass to break his fall?
theaws0m3guy 4
^^^^ looolll latched on to the nearest ass :))
NullPointer 20
True about the double standards for sure. A girl shouldn't be able to punch a guy in the face for accidentally grabbing her ass any more than a guy should be able to punch a girl for accidentally grabbing his ass. Even if it wasn't accidental, giving someone a black eye is extreme. I really hope he left his girlfriend. I'd consider pressing charges. That isn't an appropriate response.
sweetandsexy 0
ew.
FYLDeep 26
I believe that's supposed to be "whose ass" and not "who's ass". I'm sure a mod is probably watching this, so I'm guessing is going to magically be corrected soon.
foodlord 5
That's wat I call a bitch slap
twinny_sc 13
Bitches must throw one hell of a punch.
Malkria 1
Nice picture 6!!! XD
iam_yummylicious 12
I just grabbed a girls butt today by accident. She returned the favor by grabbing my crotch :S
FreakoHolm 6
Awesome? :S
twinny_sc 13
Try to sound cool on the Internet fail.
btstig 11
Sounds like you and your mom have a real nice relationship.
iam_yummylicious 12
But it wasn't cool because I'm gay...
leadman1989 16
I thought you were gonna say the first time was an accident but it felt so good it was worth the second punch lol.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
Qu1ks1lv3r 3
Love your picture
catseventhst 0
Wtf if I was at a party and accidentally grabbed a girls ass she would have turned around and we would have gone in a room and the rest is history....
Jdeluxh 12
That isn't the kinds of things I learn in my history class.
slushpup9696 12
Hey 13, you misspelled "pay attention to me".
CryMoreFMLs 15
Hey 16, You see to have mispelled "Shut the **** up, nobody cares about your fake stories."
DynamicDave 11
Hey 51, you seem to have misspelled "seem."
stacianichole 2
Are you from Windsor, PA? Nothing good comes out of that town.
saddgurl 0
51 got burnned!
daitan 3
Lol 61, that's funny, I live 5 minutes outside of that shithole of a town.