Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML
Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML
Today, is my one day off for the week. My mother in law is visiting, and has decided we need to rearrange my living room. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wokawokanomnom 5
No offense but ur moms retarded lol that sucks goodluck with that
FriscoKidz 10
Tell your mom you'll double the "energy flow" that he's created for half the price. Then go buy a flat screen to go with your lamp and old mattress.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
dpl1304 4
"My family has $5000 to spend frivolously FML". Really?....... Your fortunate to have a mattress and lamp and money to throw around so be great-full.
minisquid 9
The FML might be about how they DON'T have five grand to throw around, and that OP's mom is a dumbass.
SorrowFull 8
You should get the feng-shit master arrested for pushing false religion.
Raesin 21
Feng Shui isn't a religion and tbh you could say all religions are false.
perdix 31
Slip him $500 to tell your mom that the energy flow of your room required a big ol' hookah right in the middle of your room. For another $500, have him tell her you need a big, old hooker on that mattress. You ******* have more money than sense, so you might as well blow it having fun.
Enslaved 38
$5000? Damn, that seems like a rip off. I decorated my house by watching HDTV ideas for free. Who knows? Maybe he's worth it. Your house should be your refuge. (:
miZscrZee 0
Gotta find the Yin and Yang! Lol!!
piggsy1992 15
It is surprising how much a mother can influence your life. "If it's not one thing, it's your mother." - Peter Kay
KiddNYC1O 22
That money is better off in my account.
Bekavera 4
Is your mom a weirdo? Feel bad for you....
TraceCase_ 19
Pretty sure the internet can teach you anything you want to know about feng-shui for free.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#48 The internet can teach you a lot of things you want to know...And some things you don't.
RadikulRam 16
Just pull any white material over you and pretend you're a ghost, probably enough to scare the mother and phony.