Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML
Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML
Today, is my one day off for the week. My mother in law is visiting, and has decided we need to rearrange my living room. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
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Top comments
wokawokanomnom 5
No offense but ur moms retarded lol that sucks goodluck with that
FriscoKidz 10
Tell your mom you'll double the "energy flow" that he's created for half the price. Then go buy a flat screen to go with your lamp and old mattress.
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Comments (130)
shebah 0
Bet you'll get a goldfish added to that empty room. I forget why a fish is important. The whole thing is a crock.
SillyFart 7
Yeah.. Cause that'd scare the shit out of me..
Agathus 14
After all these comments I made an account >.< Thanks for all the sympathy, but seriously stop feeding the trolls. YES my mom is a crazy YES I am a part of the top 1%, but I support the 99% YES I am American, and in the UAE women do have (most) rights. NO I am not filthy rich, the recession is affecting us badly too, but like I said, my mom is crazy. WAIT, where the hell is my toilet seat! FML.
Mr_Alarm 12
You do realise that most of the people who posted silly comments about your location honestly believe that the UAE is a desert full of ridiculously conservative robe-wearing bandits who ride around on camels and don't allow women to wear clothes that reveal their arms, right? I was kind of hoping you were going to correct that when I saw your post, but you hardly even mentioned it. Although it doesn't really affect me, I'm just making sure you know that there are actually people who think you posted this from a tent in the desert.
kitsune3 20
Methinks OP got a wee bit scammed...
NoNoImWorkingSee 3
A fool and their money are soon parted.
blueknight1st 26
So put all of your stuff back in your room. How hard is that to figure out?
Agathus 14
Its not so simple when your mother is crazy. Apparently I was even sleeping the wrong way on my mattress >.<
Ari1337 15
Well at least you have a lamp. Lamps make everything better.
CharlieMurphy93 7
I love lamp
woobee 0
Psssh no offense but ur mom is an idiot xD
yushit 0
Hv