Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML
Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML
Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Today, my husband broke the vase and smashed the chandelier in the hallway, all because I asked him who he was on the phone with. His exact words were, “Do you ever just mind your fucking business? Goddamn!” Oh, and he told me I have to buy a new vase and replace the chandelier. FML
Today, I got super psyched up about a landscaping project my wife denied last year that she's finally game for, which will both fix a water leak into the house, and make our backyard look amazing. I took a week of PTO, then 20 minutes later my wife called to tell me a tree in our back yard fell over. We're also probably getting divorced. FML
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Top comments
Incognico 22
I feel a special vibe... And predict a sinkhole in your wallet...
muarif 19
Chill. Breathe in and out. Let the Chi flow through you....open up your chakras!
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Comments (62)
muarif 19
Chill. Breathe in and out. Let the Chi flow through you....open up your chakras!
Wakachulak 22
Wait... Since when are dollars legal form of currency in Croatia?
Incognico 22
I feel a special vibe... And predict a sinkhole in your wallet...
musdesimd 18
if u pay me, i can make sure vibe of da sinkhole in ure wallet transfers to mine
clemsi 20
After reading 62s comment it feels like my IQ is taking a plunge into a sinkhole.
TheGolfGTI 24
At this point OP, I don't know how you have the energy to deal with someone like this.
Strajee 23
Chi*
Eyalsh 32
divorce her, and give her a unicorn for settlement. tell her it farts rainbows and stuff
Dick_diamond 22
You can't fix stupid. Even when you're married to it..
itsalanis 25
Gotta watch out for them sneaky fortune teller people, heh.
TheSgLeader 21
You just need to talk it out with your wife. Get to know what's on her mind. There isn't a need to break families apart because of a trivial and minor thing. You got married for a reason. Cherish it, my friend.
vreddyp 10
you've got your head in a fantasized perfect reality my friend. I suggest you get out of it and into the real world
annarcheer 19
At least he tries to work things out and does not always run from his problems like divorce and separation. Those things should be thought about.
Ms_ValS 27
Agreed. Besides OP the divorce will cost you more. Just draw the line in the sand. Tell her she can spend her money if she wants (i.e. If she works for the money herself). But if it's your money, then you get to decide and she should not consult any more of these "services" without your agreement.
kbecks87 16
What if OP's wife is a stay at home mom? Is she not deserving of things she wants because she does not make the money her self?
attaboyyy11 11
Hmm interesting point. I still think that the man is the head of the household and the leader as well as the breadwinner and gets final say on how money is spent.
noonenoeone 22
42 why did you get down voted...everything you said is spot on. Anyone that would spend $300 on that BS because of creaky floors in a place they RENT isn't competent enough to hold a job paying much more than minimum wage. She needs to quit wasting his money and apparently his life/time.
LexiD19 26
Why did #42 get down voted? Cause his comment was sexist as hell. We're not in the middle ages, woman can make more then men, and a marriage should be a partnership. Not one person as a leader. If she does not work though, then she should not spend the money without consulting her husband
bugluv3 7
Not if she's wasting their joint money on chi sinkholes
Flyndaran 10
Severe delusions is not minor.
reeper147 14
If your partner is blowing hundreds of dollars on dumb things like that without consulting him, he is well within his rights to ask for divorce. What if she spends all his money and they go bankrupt?
19990231 29
Now what was she actually paying him for..?
filip00 16
That sucks. You should seriously consider a divorce, this is a red flag for stupidity. FYL.
Ethan_Anonymous 28
How long have you two been married? I would hope you would have noticed her paranoia/superstition early
MrConcise 35
I once dated a girl who lived in a pretty bad neighborhood, she put tinfoil on her windows and told me it was a cheap alternative to curtains. Pretty believable, until long after we broke up she told me she actually did it to protect herself from aliens.
Enslaved 38
Well, Illegal Aliens don't have green cards to find work. (:
AnonymousZOMBIE 12
I'm sorry #38, what does that have to do with #9's post??
hellnosucka 27
careful now. if you accidentally fall into the chi sinkhole, you'll be flushed out of life. it's very serious business.