Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML
Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML
Today, is my one day off for the week. My mother in law is visiting, and has decided we need to rearrange my living room. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
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Top comments
wokawokanomnom 5
No offense but ur moms retarded lol that sucks goodluck with that
FriscoKidz 10
Tell your mom you'll double the "energy flow" that he's created for half the price. Then go buy a flat screen to go with your lamp and old mattress.
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Comments (130)
wokawokanomnom 5
No offense but ur moms retarded lol that sucks goodluck with that
Zomg_Okay 27
I love how people use "No offence" like it automatically makes their comment unoffensive. You just called the OP's mother a retard, how could they possibly be offended? I agree with you, don't get me wrong - but I still think it's funny how that term is used like a get out of jail free card for insults.
Averyoto 2
No offense but you retarded 11.
ByronJess 17
No offense, 23, but YOU'RE retarded.
Keyman1212 14
No offense, but the no offense comments are getting old. No, but actually offense on everyone.
flockz 20
i find all your statements very offensive.
urdirtyolduncle 15
I like pancakes.
Mr_Alarm 12
11- "No offense" is the best defence. No? Okay, I'll get back in my box.
schpanki 11
Well, most likely you're just trollin' 11, but what I think people mean is that when you say "no offense", you mean that you're just stating something, and not saying with the intention to hurt anyone. Example : Your mom sells sex for money. I say "Dude, no offense, but your mom is a *****" Now Imagine if I just said "Hey, your mom is a *****". See?
fanceh 10
Offense intended, you're all ******* retarded. Fighting over FML, lolol.
ahskeetskeet 0
Don't feed the trolls
sammieg17 5
No offense is just saying "I'm about to insult you but don't get mad"
rudysayshi 4
as said by 11 don't get me wrong but your retarded
caraisbeast 0
lol " retarded " is against school rules now(x we can get a ticket, and guidance for it aha. sorry this is all random and shit(x
zoeypony98 0
Now, this conversation would be much better if you didn't say retarded every comment. Seriously, what happened to politically correct? Not a socially acceptable comment.
akayc32 0
81, do you get in trouble if you say "that's gay" too?
Zooted 1
What the **** are you talking about? Seriously, his mom is a piece of shit.
FriscoKidz 10
Tell your mom you'll double the "energy flow" that he's created for half the price. Then go buy a flat screen to go with your lamp and old mattress.
samanthaplank 0
You're funny :) I like that
heyhihello95 12
Hide everything important while you can.
nerdsgetmehot 23
Tell the Feng-Shui master to shove the energy flow up his butt.
perdix 31
If he could do that, he'd never have to leave his house ;)
HomeAl0ne 20
Actually, he's not a Feng-Shui master at all. His mom answered an ad for a company that specialises in getting teenager bludgers to move out of home.
NomOnShroomz 14
Go to wallmart and get some vaseline, that should entertain you for the night.
iam_yummylicious 12
I do not think they have Walmarts in the UAE...
YayFlameWarz 9
There are Wal-Marts in Narnia. They're unavoidable.
guy204 2
OP meant to put The United States for their location. Do you really think somebody in the UAE flew in a dude for 5000 American dollars and speaks fluent English?
Mr_Alarm 12
Holy shit, 98, I really, really hope you're trolling. If not, you are an extremely ignorant person. Do you honestly believe that absolutely nobody in the UAE has enough money to do that, or can speak fluent English? I suppose you also believe that there are no poor people in the USA and that all countries other than the US are full of savages?
v1kt4r 13
*facepalm* #98 I'm sorry do you even know where UAE is??? UAE for one stands for United Arab Emirates, you know Dubai... $5000 is not as much as you think it is, to a lot of people in UAE
Crazyforcheese 6
Wat ?! $5000 ?! I bet you're filthy rich isn't it ? LOLOL
pfx2_fml 15
$5000 doesn't make a person filthy rich..
Zomg_Okay 27
If they were filthy rich, the waste of $5,000 wouldn't be a problem and thus wouldn't be on FML...
crackz12 10
I think the fml was more about op getting his shit taken away then the money
elementalz 2
Lol well since he's from UAE im gunna say he's not poor by any means
zowieandzander77 1
Crazyforcheese I realize English may not be your first language but come on...http://babelfish.yahoo.com/. Bookmark it.
perdix 31
Great! Now that we are paying about $100 a barrel for oil, it's good to know that the money is being spent so well.
t765234 10
92- If you are actually happy to be on welfare, please get off your ass and get a job or contribute to society in some way or another Although I assume you're not, judging by the fact you have a computer and by your profile picture.
akayc32 0
94... So much to learn... A lot of people on welfare have computers and cell phones and actually do more than just sit at home. Im pretty sure 92 was being sarcastic.
megapeyt 17
Hey that guy was cheap compared to MY feng shui master!
Graawr 7
Wait until tomorrow where he kicks you out of the house too. Talk to your mom about this. Asap.
Doortje 30
Feng-Shui Master in scamming. Your mother is seriously mentally challenged :')
pfx2_fml 15
Tell him a flat screen and a Xbox in your room will make the energy flow better, before you take a bat to his face