Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my 5 year-old and I walked in on a girl giving her boyfriend a blow job in the washroom at the playground. Last week we found a crack pipe on the picnic table. So many conversations I wish we could have waited for… FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
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Top comments
jcrook 0
You were probably only doing it because you knew it was a taboo. It's kind of sad that a pre-school child would already have that impression. I literally blame society.
AxCxDxDx 0
You're a natural!
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Comments (131)
infernoenigma 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First!
powersmoke 0
What do you do today?
Person1233 13
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little girls while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was fingering girls before I could read. MLIG.
bobmandude 0
You're a natural!
gigi_bella 0
I'm getting a sick image in my head of a little girl chewing gum, sitting on the sink, with little boys bribing her with cookies. 0.o
bridgette5866 0
Hahhahahhah #94, I have a feeling that's exactly how it went.
thenormalguy 0
I didn't relize this was a girl. I thought it was a guy O.o
Idiot_Savant 0
hah, that's amazingly funny ;)
WazUpPeople 0
haha that's exactly what I was thinking
babbu18 0
NO ONE GIVES SHIT IF UR FIRST
CS1Energypyre 18
Haha, awesome image.
jcrook 0
You were probably only doing it because you knew it was a taboo. It's kind of sad that a pre-school child would already have that impression. I literally blame society.
milobloom 0
No offense to the OP, but I'll bet the mom knows more about why that behaviour got started.. and society ain't it.
sosmall11 0
well i guess its kind of a good thing. . ?
Akay4 14
I doubt a child would know that what they were doing was something of a sexual nature...or even what is sexual nature...
MinaGermania 12
I think it was curiousity since her "no no area" looked different and that is not only human, but also what children do. Touch what they don't know.
AxCxDxDx 0
You're a natural!
Youser 0
win^
megapeyt 17
That's not just a win, it's an EPIC WIN
lizliz07 0
hahahahahahaha
texasmadeG 0
only in texas:D
SweetestSin 4
LMAO you must be a professional by now
cieramc 0
This is really funny but you're life isn't ******. Ever heard of Freud? Most little kids do these kinds of things when they are really young.
Snow_Daisy 7
Freud was a sexist, cocain addict. His theories were flawed... Some, anyway.
averageirishman 0
he also said kids wanna bang their moms untill they are ten...
redsox4021 0
what or who is Freud
Dizkreet13 3
sigmund Freud look him up
hayleyjames 0
lmfao look at the guy in the background of 6
fourchancookie 0
people who think psychology is nothing more them Freudian beliefs dont know diddle about pyschology
goq0123 6
Nearly all of Freud's theories have been disproven.
DynamicDave 11
Ha I literally lol'ed! The last sentence completely made this FML!
perdix 31
Did you do it for free, or was there some kind of exchange demanded in return? In other words, did you make them trade your Ho-Hos for their Ding Dongs?
LEPOfficer 0
:O What a horrible trade. Ho-hos are much better.
Brandonisamazing 5
OMFG win
swagisforchumps 9
A Ding Dong for a Ho-Ho? That's not a fair trade!
SenGaeriel 3
LOL!! I added this one to my faves!
HouseHunter 2
me too
sarah_katie 3
Me too!
pop2it 5
I tried to add it to mine, but it was already there. Haha
KDzero 0
You almost sound proud.
moonlight_daze 8
I know, right?