Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my 5 year-old and I walked in on a girl giving her boyfriend a blow job in the washroom at the playground. Last week we found a crack pipe on the picnic table. So many conversations I wish we could have waited for… FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
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Top comments
jcrook 0
You were probably only doing it because you knew it was a taboo. It's kind of sad that a pre-school child would already have that impression. I literally blame society.
AxCxDxDx 0
You're a natural!
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Comments (131)
seeimdee 0
me too. expelled bro... haha. and I kissed girls... bi before I could ride a bike. I'm straight though. just to say, fml
lilbz76 0
so thats why you said you were bi before you could ride a bike, ha straight your ass (is not!)
seeimdee 0
making nooo sense ^
seeimdee 0
handjobs equal love
Serendipiti 0
lol natural born ho
BryonyBabs 0
Actually crying here LOL
thunker17 0
lol
minenotyours 0
lol... "no-no area" that's freaking hilarious! you must be an expert by now though...
delfoxio 0
HAHAHA but didn't we all do that? i mean hasnt everyone played around naked with their friends when they were like 2?
bad_ass_chick 0
That is so ****** funny... I can't stop laughing!!! You made my day!!!
bad_ass_chick 0
I can't stop laughing you made my day... Thanks!!
dochoc_fml 0
You are a *****.
megastupid 0
that's hilarious