Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML
Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML
Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
I see that your face turned blue, but did you also inflate like Violet Beauregarde?
kamerly 0
thats what you get for putting your brother's little blue balls in your mouth.....
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (57)
crankyadam 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
FIRST
abcnonamecba 0
nobody cares if ur first and op I can't stop laughing
BannedStory 0
actually you did cared for him telling him that nobody cared for him for being first .
nhi1221 9
Do want a cookie?
Lunasis 14
:D congrats! Now shut the hell up -.-
BluPenguin 3
First, you're retarded... and O.P... I have one word: pwnt.
BCrazzi 9
Pwnd*
grrrarrrg2 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. THAT BLOWS FYL SORRY FOR LAUGHING BUT THATS HILARIOUS.
underaegis 0
u'd think shed taste it but it's still pretty funny
Madarc 0
Oh, you'll be fine. They even have paintball eating contests.
wh4t3v3R 0
Yeah I got shot from through the side of my mask one time, mostly into my mouth and I was also confused about how tasty it was. The facility workers said birds and stray animals would come eat the balls off the field. I think the balls have to be somewhat biodegradable, so maybe they put some sort of plant syrup in there that happens to taste nice?
gabobi91 19
Whenever that happens to me it tastes really bad... and they use pig lard in them by the way.
alakomonus 0
??? are you guys on crack? when I got shot in the mouth of the mask it was sour and disgusting lol I was spitting for 3 minutes
CallMeHush 1
Next time ask before you get into someone's stuff, did that little lesson leave a bitter taste in your mouth?
Moemoemoe_fml 0
No. Paintballs taste really sweet and good, actually. You lose, lol
lickmyjock 0
How'd that taste?
perdix 31
I see that your face turned blue, but did you also inflate like Violet Beauregarde?
chaos753159 4
willy wonka FTW
kamerly 0
thats what you get for putting your brother's little blue balls in your mouth.....
athena3100 9
LAWL!
morella_xx 29
Wow, good job. You didn't notice they were a totally different texture than a gumball? You completely deserve that for just assuming you could eat them.
blueStoney 0
YDI for just taking someone's stuff, even if it was just your brother.