Today, I caught my brother masturbating into my underwear. Again. Our parents punished him, again, but I can guarantee he’ll carry on doing it anyway. Why can’t I afford my own house yet? I need to move out away from this creep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother said he could no longer tolerate living with me. He’s a sex offender on parole. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML
Today, my husband threw my brother out for wearing his dressing gown and eating his snacks, saying it was the final straw for his lazy, thieving, unemployed ass. I support my husband obviously, but now my parents are mad at me because my brother moved back in with them. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, my dad caught me having sex with my secret boyfriend, so he threw him naked into the street. I’m 28 years-old and it’s my house. This kind of bullshit is exactly the reason I kept my boyfriend a secret and why I got a mortgage I can barely afford, just so I didn’t live with my dad anymore. FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
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Top comments
Ubehage 32
Step 1: Get some very strong chilli-powder. Step 2: Select a few pieces of underwear to sacrifice. Step 3: Apply powder generously to the underwear. Step 4: Lock away all your underwear, except those few. Don't make it look obvious, though. Keep them where you use to. Step 5: Entertainment for the whole family.
Hangryko 32
Keep your underwear locked up and invest in a lock for your room. You shouldn't have to do so, but if it were me I would no longer feel safe in my own home with that pervert around. If your parents still don't get the message that they're not doing enough, send the bill to your parents.
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Comments (6)
Hangryko 32
Keep your underwear locked up and invest in a lock for your room. You shouldn't have to do so, but if it were me I would no longer feel safe in my own home with that pervert around. If your parents still don't get the message that they're not doing enough, send the bill to your parents.
Ubehage 32
Step 1: Get some very strong chilli-powder. Step 2: Select a few pieces of underwear to sacrifice. Step 3: Apply powder generously to the underwear. Step 4: Lock away all your underwear, except those few. Don't make it look obvious, though. Keep them where you use to. Step 5: Entertainment for the whole family.
Bogrbon 27
Having accidentally forgotten to wash my hands before going to the bathroom at Buffalo Wild Wings, I can say from first hand experience that this will not be pleasant. I 100% agree, just don’t forget which ones were marked.
Razath 17
I like the way you think. Just add a smidgeon of perfume too, just in case the chili smell is too strong.
Brightside86 31
(Incoming) Today, my sister put chilipowder in her underwear, fml.
[Insert a name] 2
@BrightSide86 That would be an instant YDI from me.
[Insert a name] 2
For a situation like this, this is the one time where it's more than ok to inflict the pain of chili powder on another person's genitals when they least expect it.
RichardPencil 32
This is going to be one pregnancy that's very difficult to 'splain.
Charlie Given 28
Don't use chili powder it's messy and is noticeable ,instead go get some cinnamon oil just make sure you use rubber gloves when applying it cuz it will burn the skin easily in pure form 😈 he won't be missing with none of your stuff after that 😁 but you will have to sacrifice some underwear because they will no longer be usable once they've come in contact with cinnamon oil it can't be washed out very easily. I normally wouldn't endorse revenge but that is seriously sick and messed up if one of my kids was doing something like that, I would have kicked their ass to the curb.
Chiefanatic 2
Oh damn! I don’t want to piss you off. Another good one would be jalapeño powder. That stuff burns like crazy (personal accidental work experience) If it touches one’s nether regions it’s excruciating, I guarantee he won’t touch her underwear again!
SJKatt 15
Get a lock with a key for your room, and starting doing (and watching) your own laundry if you're not already. Tell your parents that either they or he need to buy him a pack of underwear to jerk off into, and that if you catch him with yours again you're going to start reporting the incidents to the police so they have a record of harassment and theft long before he escalates this into something worse. Limit the contact you have with your brother.
reetuuw 3
punishing is not gonna help, he likes that stuff and won’t stop as long as he has access to your underwear